need a job??

if so, i've got just the one for you!!

thanks to my pals over at for the people, i've got a hot job lead for any gals in or around the cache valley area.

i should give a tiny bit of background for those of you who, bless your souls, have never been to cache valley.

we have one sex shop here in town. i am sure if i am wrong, corrections will be issued. this little sex shop is reknowned and very popular. the front of the store has clothing, incense, bongs, jewelry, bumper stickers, etc. the middle of the store has lotions, gels, potions, and then there's the lingerie. camo boy shorts with a matching bustier. a pink sheer babydoll with thong panties. a red feather boa.

then...the revered "back" of the store. toys, dildos, and more!! stuff you never imagined or dreamed of, let alone considered.

it's a bit out of place here in logan. it's across the street from the lds tabernacle and next door to one of the higher-priced restaurants in town. there IS a tattoo/piercing parlor upstairs. in spite of having a local farmer's market, a coffee roasting company, an artisan bread bakery and an entire university community, the persian peacock is a store all it's own!

well, this little ole sex shop is hiring. i am going to answer their questions as if i were actually interviewing for the job. it's posted on craig's list, too...

here's the requirements:
1) Female, 21 yrs. or older CHECK.

2) Must be sexually experienced- I realize this may sound like an odd requirement but we sell sex, no? uh, CHECK.

3) Must be comfortable talking about sex, with a straight face, to people as old as your mother. LMAO. Ok, CHECK.

4) Retail experience a plus. Management experience gets double bonus points. I, uh, have a college degree!

5) Available Monday-Friday 3-9 pm, Sat 10-9. These hours are not set in stone, but scheduling will likely fall within this time frame. Whatever!!

and now...onto the questions..

1) Do you shop at Wal-Mart? Yes/No Why? yes, i do. it's less expensive than other stores and i have a fixed income/budget. i also support local business whenever i can, like when i want a good cup of coffee or a giant purple dildo that vibrates.

2) When was the last time you were in our store? What did you buy? i was in there last september. i bought my boyfriend some gifts. i'd love to discuss them with you in person. one item was from the lotion/gel/potion category, the other was from the back o the store!

3) Have you ever been/lived outside of Cache Valley? Where? i have always lived here, but i've traveled extensively. i am not a mormon, if that's what you are getting at.

4) List three other locally-owned businesses you frequent. Cafe Ibis. The White Owl. Cafe Sabor. Center Street Grille.

5) Favorite Movie of all time? Song? Book? It's hard to just pick one, but here goes: Gladiator (with Russell Crowe) Head Like A Hole by NIN, Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier.

6) How do you feel about Bush? (the one in the white house not your pants) eh. you should be more worried about how i feel about the mayor of Logan, Randy Watts.

7) What is your relationship to coffee? How do you take it? i have a love/hate relationship with coffee. i love it, but it often upsets my stomach. i drink it with 2-4 creamers, no sugar. i love a great cup of coffee in the morning.

8) Method of birth control? Thoughts on condoms? i have no uterus. enough said, i reckon? before that, i had a mirena IUD that i absolutely loved and would recommend to ANYONE. condoms suck, but they are necessary for people who choose not to be monogamous.

In one to two paragraphs, tell us why you're awesome and why we should hire you.
you all know why i am awesome. i'll skip this part...

in a completely UNrelated story, paul and i celebrated our two-year anniversary this weekend...without even noticing it. may 26 was the big day!! two years is a long time...

stay tuned for these upcoming posts from me: "what if..." and "arachnophobia."

xoxo

The lamest injury ever... honestly.

My husband hurt his ankle.

Yes... wait for it...

By playing his guitar. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

I guess he was sitting in one position for over an hour with his ankle in a weird position. Now it hurts. He says it feels really messed up. I am also really trying not to laugh my ass off here. Yeah. I did laugh my ass off when he told me today at lunch.

So, if your going to play the guitar for hours... please watch where you put your feet. Who knows if you too will get an injury.

/chuckles

On another note:

I appreciate EVERYONE who comments on our blog. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! It just so happens that I finally had time to look in my yahoo mail and see how many comments we had in just a day.

For our blog it seemed like a million.

For other peoples blogs it would be a few.

In honor of this great occasion, I would like to pull out a few of my favorite comments from the bunch and tell you why I loved them.

"Another country heard from.....Me!Yeah, I'd say that it's a row of hotties
for sure. O la la,,,,,,", as said by Tim (Who doesn't like to be called a hottie? Even if you don't think it is true, it still feels great to be called a hottie!)

"Since my idea of a workout involves repeatedly lifting and lower my fork, I can't offer much in the way of good workout music.", as said by Eagle 79 (This just made me laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Plus he defended my Eye of the Tiger music selection... That just rocked)

"yep to many beers... ", says StickEE (Amen to that!)

"It's true. I couldn't read you all if you were hags that rated 2's and 3's.Well, MAYBE I could, but it would sheerly be out of pity.", says Loralee (HAHAHAHAHA. At least she is honest. Um, does she read me out of pity? /wonders)

Now a note to all. Yes I have had "the chat" with my son. I have also had it with my daughter. I hated every minute of it, but I did it. I'll probably do it every year, or at least every other. It is something that is sooooo important for kids to know. I just don't want to get into the "detailed part" until they are a little older. Any idea on what a good age that would be taught at?

Kids grow up...

My son is suddenly growing up fast. He is 7, and really starting to understand how the world works. Today I got all sad when I realized that at the end of this month he was conceived 8 years ago. An accident... yes. A ONE TIME accident I should specify. He can be a handful sometimes, but man do I love him.

I really should tell you why my son is growing up. I had two funny stories about him just today.

FUNNY STORY 1: This afternoon when I went to the doctor.

I have been sick for quite some time. Cold... Flu... Pneumonia... Bronchitis... I really had no clue. I just haven't got better. We are going on three weeks here dammit! So I woke up today feeling really crappy. /cough /cough. I walked up a flight of steps and I could not breath. I decide to go to the doctor.

My kids haven't even realized I have been sick for three weeks. One of the reasons I am not better yet I was told by the doctor. Figures.

In the waiting room the receptionist gives me a mask. My kids look worried.

We go into the exam room. While waiting my son starts asking me if I am going to be okay. I assured him I would be fine. /cough /cough. Then he is quiet for a few minutes. Next thing I know he states, "We will eat cereal, Eggo waffles, and popcorn mom. I'll cook it for us."

See these are all things I let him cook. He honestly was worried about this. His mom was sooooo sick she actually went to the doctor. W who was going to feed him? He obviously forgot about his father whom was coming home in a few hours.

I almost laughed, and then I almost cried. How sweet was that? My son taking care of me. Made me love him all the more.

FUNNY STORY 2: I get out of a bath.

So now my husband is home from snowboarding. He takes a hot bath and I feel like joining him. Being all sick a nice HOT bath sounds great. I should mention that my bathtub is really big.

Anyways, we sit and chat for awhile and then he gets out to go make dinner. After a bit I get out too. I put a towel around me when my husband yells something to me so I go to ask him what he said.

My son sees me in a towel.

He looks straight at my husband and starts laughing and says, "You guys were having sex." You know... in that sing song way kids make fun of other kids? I honestly almost lost it. My son still thinks that sex is laying in bed next to each other and then kissing. Close... but he really isn't the age to actually tell him what it REALLY is. /whew

Now it doesn't help that my husband starts laughing and says, "Um, no were were not." It then took a minute to convince my son that NO we were not having sex. For two seconds I felt like a teenager that was caught by my parents. It was my son... and I was innocent dang it!

So there you go. I am starting to feel old. Then the fact that my bday is coming up. I am still sick and am supposed to really rest. Doctors orders. No running and passing out. Rest. At least he gave me some really good cough syrup that puts you to sleep. /smile

I am soooo not a winner this month.