My nephew and niece need your help!

I am asking you to help... I understand if you can't...

My nephew Isis and my new niece Phoenix have finally been diagnosed with Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy. It has taken over FIVE years to get this diagnosis. That is five years of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law worrying all the time. Having test after test done on Isis, and still not knowing what is wrong. It hasn't been easy for their family. It hasn't been easy for my family either. In many ways we are thankful that we know what they have. We are all finally done wondering. Now that we know though... we are all sad. Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy is not any easy disease to have.

Since Isis was 6 months old he has been fed by a feeding tube. Originally it was through his nose down to his stomach, but now he has a plug which is actually connected through his belly to his stomach. Everyday Isis sits for hours when a machine pumps food into his stomach. Tell me this... when was the last time you saw a 6 year old sit for hours to eat? How about a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 year old? Isis has done this his whole life. His parents taught him to read at a very early age, and so he either reads or draws to pass the time. I am attaching some drawings that Isis did, and that his mother colored for him.

Although there is no cure, there are ways to prolong life and help these children that have this disease. One is a cough assist machine that helps them cough. With Rigid Spine both my niece and nephew have very weak muscles. So weak in fact that Isis still cannot stand up by himself without having help or using furniture. He is six years old now. Phoenix cannot even sit, or does she even try to sit/crawl/scoot. We think she may be worse than her brother. The cough assist machine will will be used for both kids, and they will be hooked up in the morning to strengthen their lungs. Hopefully with this they can better fight off illness, and we can have them with us as long as possible.

My brother-in-law Nick is asking for donations for the cough assist machine. Even small donations will add up. It is not covered at all by insurance nor will he get one from the Australian government. Socialized medicine apparently doesn't think it is necessary. I guess it isn't, but will it ever help them. /sigh I am asking my friends and family to help me help them get this machine. I realize not everyone can donate, and I do not expect anyone to. I just want to give you the opportunity. Thank you friends!

Read below to find out how to donate, and to read up more about Rigid Spine. Nick has a blog and a website. The links are below. Thank you again!

From Nick... "Isis and Phoenix have a very rare disease called Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy. After attending a really great Muscular Dystrophy conference we discovered a machine that will help Isis and Phoenix to fight of Chest infections in the years to come. It is called the Cough Assist...

Attached is a flyer we are spreading around, because we are trying to get enough money for the machine which is $10,000 US.

If you can help us in any way please read the flyer, or visit the HERO: The Isis Barfuss Cough Assist Campaign website Nick built to find out how you can help. http://www.nickbarfuss.com/hero

Even if you can't (which is totally fine, please don't feel like you have to!) check out the following websites to find out more about Isis and Phoenix and their condition!

http://www.nickbarfuss.com/hero

A site created by Nick to help raise awareness about the importance the Cough Assist Machine for Isis and Phoenix.

http://rigidspine.blogspot.com/

**edit by jess**
dear friends and readers in the blogosphere...please help us by linking to either this page or directly to the websites nick has created (links above). we really want to get the word out here and raise awareness as much as we can... got any ideas? send them to us by email (bestmonkeyfriends AT yahoo DOT com) or leave a comment on this post. xoxo

new fave summer bbq item

...is chicken kebabs. you can't mess them up, and everyone in my family loves them!!

i marinate chicken in random marinades (sprite and limes, store-bought marinade, soy sauce and mountain dew, etc.) for 2-3 days. then i open a can of pineapple chunks, cut up a red onion, a green pepper and buy a pound of thinly sliced virginia ham. soak wooden skewers for 10-20 minutes (or they may catch fire) while you cut up the other veggies. cut the chicken into bite-size chunks. thread chicken and veggies onto the skewers. fold a slice (or two) of ham into fourths or eighths and put it right in the middle of the skewer. grill for 12-15 minutes, then baste with kc masterpiece honey barbeque sauce right at the end. serve with miller lite.

you could serve almost anything with miller lite and it'd make me happy.

these are tasty and i wish i could eat them every single day. brace yourself, this may be the july recipe unless i come up with something else real quick.

i am a guest blogger

...so if you wanna check out my recent stab at journalism, go here.

mwah. i love you, dear reader. come back for more of the evil monkeys soon.

Religion in Politics?

The history of the United States is somewhat complicated. I admit freely that I am particularly forgetful on key points. One of my good friends is an history teacher at a local high school. He often quizzes me about important American history facts. I fail every time. Miserably even.

I do know that our forefathers and ancestors immigrated to the colonies to to better their lives. Many of them wanted to free themselves from religious persecution. In a perfect world that would have happened. Yet religion was often still an issue.

Today it is still an issue.

"Mitt Romney for President in 2008? Should I vote for him? I hear he is a Mormon..."

I personally believe that it doesn't matter what religion someone believes in, as long as they are a good person. I even know agnostic people that I believe are great, and even some atheist. I cannot personally vouch for Mitt Romney. I do not know him. I also have not followed his political career. To be honest, I haven't really paid attention to any of the candidates for president. Guess I should pay attention.

To my point...

I am just really annoyed that Romney's religion is more of an issue than the issues he represents. I am completely unaware of what religion, if any, is practiced by the other presidential candidates. Are they Catholic, Baptist, Buddhist, Scientologist or what? Does it matter? Really? I would think that the job they would do is much more important. They are actually applying for a job. It happens to be a very important job, but a job. I know believing in God is very important to most Americans. I know that their President believing in God is also important. It represents the majority.

Mormons happen to believe in God. If you didn't know this... surprise! The fact that many people do not realize this still stumps me. I know that Catholics also believe in God, as do Baptist, even Southern Baptist. Y'all can just thank me later. Scientologist happen to believe in L Ron Hubbard. If Scientologist happened to believe in George Lucas... you could just sign me up now. /wink

In conclusion, please pay more attention to what issues your candidate is representing than what issues others bring up about them. I do not know who I will be voting for in 2008, but I do know I will be watching very closely at what each candidate says about the other candidates. In Utah I am a minority as I happen to be a Democrat. I am also very liberal for Utah. The other day I was even called a "Godless Liberal" by a family member. /sigh I may be a liberal, but I am not Godless.

Last Saturday my son almost died...

Yes, you read that correctly. Last Saturday my son almost died. He is FINE. Let me put that out there for all of you before you worry too much.

How did he almost die?

My son picked up a rattlesnake. A young, very venomous, very real rattlesnake. I know it was a rattlesnake because I took a picture of it at the end of it all.

He WASN'T bitten. I don't know how. I don't know why. I am just very thankful.

Now that you know all the important parts I will begin the story.

I had decided to take my husband and family camping for fathers day. My husband loves to camp. I hate it. I hate it even more now. Anyways, I went shopping and purchased all the food required for this weekend retreat. Gram crackers, marsh mellows, chocolate... can you tell we made smores? I also picked up some chicken and potatoes for dutch oven cooking. Yum. My husband was in charge of packing the tent, sleeping bags, and all the other camping equipment. He did a great job.

Saturday morning my husband went and picked out a camping spot up Logan Canyon. Guinavah-Malibu was his camp site of choice. The site was great. Close to the bathrooms and nicely shaded. He took the kids up early and set up camp. I had to work until 5:30 p.m. that night, so I arrived around 7:00 p.m. I finally arrive and the kids go nuts. The are very excited that I am there. The really cool feature at this particular campsite is there is an amphitheater. My husband and I actually got married there.

My husband and kids all brought their guitars so they wanted to perform on the stage. We go up and they all take turns performing. My husband plays real songs while my kids strum and make up songs. Quite entertaining. It is fun to hear what they come up with. During my daughters performance my son goes down the side steps to come around and sit by me. He decided, I guess, to go the "long" way. Then he starts calling me,"Hey Mom! Come here!" He sounded really excited and honestly WAS. /shudders I stand up and walk behind the amphitheaterwhere he is now located. He bends down and picks up a snake and starts laughing.
Alright, we ALL now know how much I really HATE snakes. Any snakes.

Here is the dialog and my observations at this point:
Me: PUT THAT SNAKE DOWN!
Son: Why? Is it venomous?
(At this particular time I cannot tell that it is a rattlesnake. I am about 15 feet away and it is small. It also looked slightly yellow to me, but alarm bells were ringing in my head.)
Me: I DON'T KNOW. PUT THE SNAKE DOWN!
Son: I want to show dad.
Me: PUT THE SNAKE DOWN!
Son: If I swing it this way mom it can't bite me.
(He starts swinging the snake in a circle. He is holding the snake by the tail. He also starts running towards me since he KNOWS I am scared of snakes.)
Son: Dad! I got a snake!
Dad: Let me see it.
Me: PUT THE SNAKE DOWN! (seems this is all I could say)
Dad: (takes snake by tail) Um, this is a Rattlesnake Brigitte.)
Me: SON, GET AWAY FROM YOUR DAD NOW!!! THAT SNAKE IS POISONOUS!
(My son steps away and I pull him back. My husband walks away and puts the snake down. FINALLY)
Me: Son, did you get bitten? Honestly, tell me now. Did the snake bite you? I need to know if I have to take you to the hospital right now.
Son: Um... no.
Me: Son, you have to tell me now. Did it bite you anywhere?
Son: NO MOM!
(My husband comes back now)
Me: Dad, did the snake bite you?
Dad: No.
Me: Are you sure? Check.
(This is when I personally check my son and husband for bites. I honestly don't believe either of them.)

In conclusion, both my son and husband are fine. Neither was bitten. I have checked my son at least five times a day since this event. I keep looking at his feet and hands. I know how serious this is. If that snake would have bitten my son he would most likely be dead right now. At the least his arm would have been amputated. The smaller rattlesnakes supposedly have three times the concentrate of venom. I am very thankful that this didn't end up a tragedy. Around 8000 people are bitten each year by venomous snakes in the United States. Around 15 of them die each year. Most of the deaths occur in children and people who weigh less than 120 lbs. I've been studying. Just go to the links to read for yourself.

I am very relieved, but I am also very angry. I am angry at myself that I didn't teach my son better. I have a snake book and have often read it to him. I have shown him what a rattlesnake looks like. We have a lot around here. I am very angry with myself for not explaining in absolute detail what we should do when we see this type of snake. I have said that we leave them alone and get away. Obviously it wasn't enough. Now he knows that he is NOT allowed to pick up any snakes at all, unless his dad says he can. NO SNAKES. NONE. So if his dad is not there... too bad. I made this point clear. I make it clear everyday.

I have also cried everyday. The emotions that go through me astound me. One second I am fine, and then the next I am bawling. I can't help it. I just keep thinking "what if?" I really could use some type of muscle relaxer, Valium, mind-altering drug (not that I am endorsing them at all) to get my mind off of this. I have to take Tylenol PM at night just to finally fall asleep. I hope this goes away someday. Any advice?

I love my son.
I love my husband.
I love my daughter.
I love my parents.
I love my friends. All of you.

statistics...

...are not for me. i like to read them, but calculate them? please. i can't even balance my checkbook.

i don't want to freak anyone out, but we keep stats on our blog readership. one of the most interesting stats is the keyword analysis, which is becoming my favorite place to see how people get to our blog. what's kind of disturbing is there seems to be a common theme developing and i am not sure if i like it.

here are a few of my personal favorites...and i swear these are REAL SEARCH TERMS. i haven't modified them in any way. for your reading convenience, search terms are bolded, my commentary is not.

• kids have to pee - well... this is just a fact. kids always have to pee, don't they?
• qwest is evil - they ARE. read here. and then here.
• sprite remove skunk smell - ew!! i don't remember ever writing about this.
• kill spiders using vinegar - ha ha ha! die, spiders, DIE!
• old cat howls all night - interesting...
• have i broken my nose - this one is bridge's fault.
• why do we no longer need overhead bridges - ha ha...bridge...AGAIN.
• mucinex dm trip - well, the post was never about tripping on mucinex dm. the authors of this blog in no way advocate using over-the-counter medication illicitly or in a manner other than prescribed on the box. what i am saying is this sounds like a bad idea. what if you saw those little green men ALL NIGHT while tripping? yikes...
• no no mommy you evil! - i'd like to blame bridge for this, but i am not 100 percent sure i can pass the buck.
• talk like a stormtrooper - soooo not me!! but i didn't know stormtroopers even talked.
• woman peed in pool - uh, WHAT? one, two, three...not it!
• dreams of spiders and monkeys - you are not alone, whoever you are. i have them all the time. really.
• nice cuticles - probably not al. we just got her to shave last year.
• using weird things as dildos - hmmm...i've never used weird things. on one hand, i am quite disturbed our blog showed up when someone searched on this. on the other hand, cool!
• birthday fairy card bitch - this one is just funny.
• mother effing crazy moms - i mother effing take offense to this.
• your crazy mom - MY crazy mom? no, YOU are!!
• what kind of fruit to soak in everclear - there's a great recipe for jungle juice on here...just scroll down. you should be 21 to read the recipe, btw. thanks for following the law. and by the way, don't soak the fruit in the everclear, unless you want to die. just add it to the punch when you mix it all up.

here's what i am upset didn't show up in the search terms: best friends, dirty old RDB, football, happy birthday jess!, bridge loves jesus, al loves pink, jess is the best golfer ever, jess has a hot body, bridge is rich, al is famous, etc.

now if you'll excuse me, i have to run. i've got to get a manicure, stop at the liquor store, swing by home depot for spider killer, reschedule my stormtrooper impersonation class, tell my kids not to pee in the pool and get some sprite to get the skunk smell out of my car. and i have to call qwest to bitch about their crappy customer service.

have you called me recently

... and wondered to yourself

"self how is it that Al's message seems to be directed at ME? I mean, it says my name on it, or something personal to me. How in the hell is she doing it? Is she just that freaking cool?"

Of course I'm that freaking cool. I can't believe you would ever suggest anything different. I'm almost appalled enough to change your personal message greeting to something else. Don't tempt me buddy. I'll do it. I'm not ascared, you know.

If you haven't called and heard your personal greeting, well then, let me take this opportunity to say that you should call.

and you should look at youmail.com

i can explain

i know i've been absent.

have you heard of guitar hero? if so, you'll excuse my silence. if not, you should go check it out right now so you can neglect your OWN blog for several days. less than 80 bones at wal*mart.

good luck, christian soldier. see you at the battle of the bands!

the band is my dysfunctional family, btw...

raindrops on roses...

i want to share some of my favorite things with you, dear reader. they are in NO particular order, today is just a celebration of JESS.

check out two of my favorite "new" blogs: confessions of a pioneer woman and dooce. now, of course, both of these blogs are older than this crappy old blogger blog, but still. they are my favorites right now. (right click on those links to open them in a new tab. still using IE?? fine. it works in IE, too, but you should switch to firefox today!!)

the pioneer woman is a city slicker living on a ginormous ranch and she has a fabulous kitchen. she also has cute kids, a virile husband (just ask her) and such an enviable way with words. i truly heart her blog. and omg...she's added a site just for recipes. HEAVEN. you should go there. now.

dooce...you've probably heard of her. i heart her snarkiness (is that a word? well i don't give a damn if it's not) and her photos. she lives in utah and that makes me feel like i know her personally or something. evs!

new favorite soda: diet squirt. this stuff could give diet mountain dew a run for its money. for real. my favorite cooking shows have returned: hell's kitchen (yes, with that rat bastard gordon ramsay) and top chef (yes, complete with a really shitty, but relatively attractive, hostess). i love these shows... favorite frappuccino...dulce de leche. favorite friends: all of them. favorite kids: neither one today - ask me tomorrow. favorite man: the paulster, as always. life is good these days...so let's celebrate with my current favorite cocktail: the mojito.

i can't wait to have my coffee in the morning. with lots of creamer. mmmm... my favorite.

xoxo

my two cents

i'm branching out. it's always been my goal to blog about more serious topics. bridge and i have discussed starting our own blogs to do our own thing on. eventually, we'll do that. but for now, this is my venue, shared or not.

my co-authors may or may not share my point of view. that's the standard disclaimer.

the topic i've picked for today is sex education.

sex education is paramount for kids. parents claim to discuss it with their children, but do they really? for a variety of reasons, including personal, religious, moral and other beliefs, i understand why it's such a hot topic. all of these aside, it's important to really teach our kids all about sex. and i don't just mean the consequences. let's take the taboo out of it. things that are no longer taboo are all of a sudden much less interesting.

every state in the nation has passed laws regarding sex education. some of the new programs appear to be working. everyone seems to get hung up on promoting abstinence versus the use of condoms.

abstinence is obviously the best choice. however, do you remember being a teenager?? hello!!

i think abstinence is best taught by removing the mystery from sex. be frank about it with your kids. they are curious about sex. give them answers. try not to be embarrassed about it. this part is critical. they need to know the consequences of their potential actions.

pregnancy should be, by far, the least of your worries with regards to consequences. kids last forever, but at least they move out (hopefully) in 18 years. herpes are forever. so are warts. so is hiv. oops!! all the others can lead to embarrassing leakage of pus from parts we can barely name with their real names to our kids. of course, it's easily cleared up with antibiotics, but still. ewwwwwwwwwwwww. nothing says "i love you" like a prescription for valtrex, right? wrong-o.

should the schools be teaching sex ed in high school? i say no. that's far too late. obviously, i am not talking about the venue, i am talking about the timing. i've already discussed sex with my kids, who are 6 and 8. it was the very basic conversation, but the door is open. it'll be easier the next time around. for me, at least. also, we talked about it in the car. i didn't have to look them in the eye while we were discussing it. sex should be discussed early and often. not once a week or anything, but not just once.

birth control should also be part of the conversation. even if 95 percent of our kids choose abstinence, do you want your kid to fall into the 5 percent who did not? do you want your daughter or son to be faced with the adoption decision? teens need to know there are ways to be smart once they have made what is arguably a regrettable decision. i strongly advise all sexually active people of any age who are in an non-committed relationship to use condoms. and don't give me the argument that they can break, they may not protect 100 percent, etc. they are better than nothing at all.

parents are busier than ever these days...just like all americans. it's important we take time as parents to teach our children about sex, abstinence, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, and protection methods at an early age. it's important to de-mystify sex. it's my belief that by giving our children the gift of knowledge, they'll make a smarter decision.

i'll, uh, give you an update in about 10 years. by then, i should know if my advice is good or not. ;0) thanks for reading...

a staggaring admission...

ok, so as i'm sitting here thinking about writing this blog i am seriously thinking about NOT writing this blog. all of which might be insanely obvious from the title that i've so eloquently (or stupidly...) chosen for this post.
in fact, the more i write about not wanting to write about the subject that was my original intent, the more i am able to talk myself out of the admission.

does any of that make sense?
does it really matter, in the whole scheme of things?
i wonder how long i can continue to spew bullshit and write about absolutely nothing to get me out of admitting anything. i'm sure we could devise some sort of scientific experiment about it and come up with a pretty good estimate. /sigh, more stalling

here goes (/stomach turns... /breathing is shallow... it is an admission you know)

i, al, am in like.

hold back your gasps of surprise and astonishment!
it's possible that i can admit this to you, dear readers. AND, if you'll be so kind as to remember back to one of my posts written near the beginning of the year, i met this guy via internet dating. /gasps! /clutches chest /regains composure to finish writing

and to think that i thought internet dating was all a fluke. but it kindof is because all of the guys in this area (NM) who responded to me were NOT anything special. or really anything at all. no sir, instead the NM guys were impressed that a girl likes to put down a few beers and do something other than paste on clothing that is 6 sizes too small and try to make up for their obesity by applying a whole freaking tube of mascara per day.

instead, i meet a great guy (i hope you're smiling about this t.) who lives in the vicinity of denver. who'da thunk it? not me and you can quote me on that.
but i'm not going to complain because i happen to be in like with said guy and am of the opinion that living 5 hours apart is a good thing. more talk, still maintain enough alone time (for both al and el gato), and such.

so there it is! i've admitted it (no calls please) and will deal with whatever consequences occur from it. hopefully it at least gets t. to purchase me a beer or two. i think that's a good compromise, don't you?

My dreams have been shattered!

You know when you are little... you know the dreams you have... well one of my dreams has just been shattered.

I can no longer be a Barker Babe.

/sobs

/cries

Today was the final filming of the Price is Right. I am totally bummed out right now. Bob Barker is one of my heroes. Not only can he tell you to "Come On Down" but he can also take a kiss from some of the most freakish fans. If you have ever seen the show you would totally understand.

I am just mad I never made it to be in his studio audience.

I am also mad I do not live in California. Increased cost of living and all. I really want the nice warm weather that is typical MOST of the year. Should I mention it SNOWED in our mountains today. Yes... SNOW!!!!!!!!!!

So to all my friends and family, I would ask that you respect my need to mourn the end of Bob Barker's reign over the Price is Right. /sigh I guess they are replacing him with someone in the fall. (stomps around room)

Anyone up for Plinko?

P.S. Make sure you get your pets spayed or neutered.

here goes

it has been pointed out to me (repeatedly! thanks t.) that i have been a total slacker lately when it comes to this blog and possibly my friends. you would tell me if i was being a sucky friend, right? the blog thing, well, let's just chalk it up to working my ant bit, itchy, red ass off.

it has also been pointed out to me that over this little (or big since i've been out here for almost a month) job many things have happened that i should blog about for various reasons. but mostly because they're hilarious and i alluded to them in my last blog from good ole' grants.

first- the bullfrog (a co-worker) and i decided to go and check out some calderas after it had been raining all week. the bullfrog just had to see the big lava tubes. so we went one day after work. we got off a bit early at 1630! so we get going on this dirt (ok, it was mostly silt and clay... the soft stuff) road in the rental truck and it's pretty slippery. but i can handle the driving, right? i grew up driving through snowy and icy canyons and such. so we almost got stuck in a small ditch meant to funnel water off of the road. but we pulled ourselves out of it and decided to keep going. really, what's a little sign that says 'Road May Be Impassible When Wet' got on a couple o' scientists? NADA!
Wrong! we managed to get ourselves supremely stuck in another ditch. only this time the ditch was full and we had 2 wheel covered to the rims.
did i mention that it's almost 1800 and the sun is beginning to wane?
also, did i mention that we took my rental instead of the bullfrog's?
so we dug (with my hard hat) and covered the bottom of the ditch with scoria. we put a tarp down to try to get traction. oh, and my truck only has 2 wheel drive (let's not get started on that... when i decide tis time to call AAA to get them out for a tow. wouldn't you know it! no cell-y service!
so we bitch about it and then decide that we'd better empty the truck of expensive shit (meaning we'd have to carry it out on foot) and get someone to help in the morning.
but lady luck was on our side (finally) and an old rancher with tire chains was coming along at just that moment and pulled us out! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
following day... the bullfrog says
" stand back here and look at our trucks. what's different?"
me: hm... your's is silver and mine used to be white but is currently ass brown?
me: no wait...
me: i don't know. what?
the bullfrog: my truck is 4-wheel drive.
me: (laughing my ass off) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
t bf: nope. i just noticed that. pretty funny isn't it?
me: eff yeah it is. but let's still not talk about this for awhile.
the bf: right-o

good times in grants.. more later.
also- i got bit on the ass the other day by a red ant! luckily NOT a fire ant, just a plain ole' red ant. so it just itches like a son of a bitch and i have a large red bump.
good times

guest commentary

today's post is courtesy of one of my very good friends. she's an excellent journalist and mother of two. a newspaper reporter in her past, she's missed writing real stuff and offered me the little tidbit below. i haven't altered it at all, it's been copied, pasted and reprinted with her permission.

if you haven't heard of warren jeffs, he's the leader of the fundamentalist church of latter day saints. basically, they have the same beliefs as latter day saints (aka mormons) with one tiny difference: they believe in polygamy. it's certainly a hot topic here in utah and one that's been followed with great scrutiny in the media over the years.

anyway. here it is. it's well-written and i couldn't have ever written it so eloquently myself. thanks, denise.

weighing in on warren jeffs
by denise albiston

So I must state my opinion about Warren Jeffs’ request to have his trial moved from Washington County to Salt Lake County in an effort to find an objective and diverse set of peers.
You see, as member of a predominant LDS community, I believe Jeffs will find more understanding and sympathy from a jury whose roots are strained by polygamy. Washington County likely houses the largest sect of polygamists this side of the Middle East. As a Mormon—fundamentalist or not—he will find more tolerance for his act as it is part of a historical belief that church members quietly shun but still remember as a significant practice and defend as such. In Salt Lake County, they will find a varied group with lack of historical relevance and many misconceptions about the act itself.

No, I’m not suggesting that marring 14-year-old girls into a life of subservience and intellectual suppression is tolerable; however, it is an act that we ‘Utahns’—yeah I used that word—have accepted as part of the fringe society we live among.

LDS members are often misunderstood, and leaders such as Jeffs help fuel the conceptions of Devil horns and multiple wives. He is the epitome of a Mormon throughout fable and urban legends stirring the darkened kettle of ignorance. If I was a gambler—which that I am not—I would hedge my ‘life’ on a group of peers derived from the same community I belonged to. I believe this would harness the only chance to gain understanding. I’m not suggesting that anybody condone this behavior, but as a member of Cache Valley where 90 percent of its inhabitants are LDS, I can understand his plight. We are much more likely to mingle among the Ostridge farmers from Samaria and look beyond their 25 children and 12 wives. It is a part of society such as chewing tobacco and 36 ounce Mountain Dews at 8 a.m. that we have come to expect—but not necessarily accept.

I still believe that what Jeffs preaches and practices is wrong on the most fundamental level, but I understand where the development came from and look at it as religious expression gone wrong. I still maintain he is guilty and should pay dearly for his acts, but I believe his punished acts will have greater reach and substance if he is held accountable by his own cow mucked, desert living, southern Utah rednecks that have the right to stand in front of this thorn and say his nuisance is no longer tolerable. Southern Utahns need to have the chance to stand before the ‘beloved’ FDLS leader and say your practices and beliefs will no longer be harbored in this red rocked environment.