Drumroll please!!!

Are you ready for it?

Are you sure?

Are you really really sure?

www.seehearspeaknoevil.com

Surprised? So were we! Ever since we tried to create our blog that name has been taken. Blogger. Wordpress. Yahoo. Hotmail. Google. Basically anything that was free. I am just thankful that there are so many freeloaders out there.

Anyways, our blog isn't quite finished. At least not 100%. We need to write our bio's, so please excuse their lameness. We also need to add a few categories and pages and such. We will post on each of these updates for you.

I will personally post a few more times on THIS site to let you know to move over. All of our "real" new post will be there.

As I said... www.seehearspeaknoevil.com If you have THIS blog bookmarked make sure to make the change.

I'll see you over there!

We are moving our blog THIS WEEKEND!!!

Alright, I have got our new blog up and running. I will be tweaking a few little things this weekend to make it perfect (or at least not completely crap.) I'll post the new address on Monday.

Are you excited?

Are you ready?

Want me to STFU already?

LOL... I'll even post the big pile of shit I had to go through to make this happen. /sigh

Until Monday...

**EDIT** p.s. this is jess. please update your blogrolls for us! please!!! xoxo

running to stand still

if you're a human, you can probably relate to the title of this post. lately, it feels like everything i do is for naught. i am not getting ahead, but i am certainly not getting behind, either.

i told you i always see a rainbow.

i haven't written for a while...and here's why: there seems to be a clog in the torso chute. i want to write, but the words won't come. perhaps the problem is that i am not willing to share. whatever the case may be, i am attempting to FORCE myself to write just to get the juices running again... in the hopes the words will return. i know i've blogged about this in the past, and i'd apologize for the repeat, however i strongly suspect i'll run into this issue again in the future. then, you, my dear reader will be subject to yet another empty apology.

who needs that?

the good news: i'll have a road trip post to make in the very near future. my latest travel takes me to beautful portland, oregon. while i am there, i may have an opportunity to meet a very famous journalist and i am just hoping i can swing it! if i do, i'll share. you all know i am just in love with journalists...they are REAL celebrities!!

at any rate, things are less than decent in the house of jess. but i'll be fine. don't send me sympathy, send me a beer. and a cigarette.

and comments aren't necessary. if you've made it this far, i congratulate you. :) i think i hear the wahhhhmbulance in the distance...it's coming to pick me up.

Thank you friend!

I have a friend who made my day today. I just want to say thank you!

This friend of mine brought me a "beverage." If you know me, you know what I mean. /wink Anyways, I was having an alright day, but he was having a crappy day. This is when Tom comes in... aka Tom Collins that is.

Yum.

I hope you have a better week. Thank you for walking me over a drink. I think we need to designate a Tom Collins day. At least once a month.

Update on the Cough Assist Machine for Isis!!!

Here is the email I just received from Nick today. I personally want to tell everyone THANK YOU myself. Many of you helped Isis out for me. I really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Now if you blogged about this for me you might want to update your blog so that everyone knows that Isis and Phoenix got their machine.


Hello Everyone,

WE DID IT, THANKS TO YOU!
This last week Jasmine and I both got Influenza A and were hit hard. Of course Isis got the virus too and was admitted to hospital. Because of Isis getting sick with a virus that has killed 4 children here in Perth in the last three weeks, it was more crucial than ever that he get the Cough Assist Machine.
Now for the good news. Take this time to pat everyone of yourselves on the back!Thanks to your donations (Friends, Family, Strangers, etc) and the Steve Waugh Foundation here in WA, we walked out of Isis' hospital stay with an Emerson Cough Assist Machine!
Because of your UNBELIEVABLE support, we also have plans (and funds enough) to buy a power generator so that Isis and Phoenix's machinery (Cough Assist, Bi-Pap, Humidifier and Kangaroo pumps) will work in the case of a power failure. Isis uses each of these devices on a daily basis, and now Phoenix too uses a Kangaroo pump to aid in keeping her nourished.
We have plans to donate any left over funds we might have to The Muscular Dystrophy Association of Western Australia. They have done so much for us. The MDAWA is running their own fundraiser to acquire 25 Cough Assist Machines for children with Muscular Dystrophy here in Western Australia. It is a huge undertaking and we want you all to know that any residual funds will be going to support this worthy cause. We are so grateful and humbled by the generosity of every one of you. We are so touched and appreciate your support, beyond measure.
As promised, you will still receive one more special gift from Isis, along with some photos of him using the machine (he is such a good boy already!) We hope to let you visually see some of the results of your gift to us.
Once again, we are forever thankful to you. We love you. If you know of anyone who should get this letter, for helping in any way, please pass it on!
-Nick, Jasmine, Isis and Phoenix

coast to coast

i am a talk radio junkie. it's the first thing i turn on in the morning. i listen to it on the way to work. sometimes i listen to it at work. on the way home...it's talk radio. and when the insomnia kicks in and nothing is on tv and my eyes are too tired to read...it's talk radio!

one of my favorite programs is coast to coast am with george noory. i first started listening to coast to coast when i worked swing shift. it made the long ride home seem much shorter. back then it was hosted by art bell (who i understand has retired yet again...bah) and guest hosted regularly by noory. topics cover a wide range and can probably be best described as paranormal. peculiar news, conspiracy theories and listener's calls are the highlights of the show. they talk about numerology, psychic stuff, NASA and planets. perfect late night fodder!

now that i have a real job...i don't listen to coast to coast as often, but talk radio has me hooked, line and sinker. i am hopelessly addicted to media...i love reading news both in the paper and online. i am upset when i miss abc news at the top of the hour. my addiction to the media stems from college, where i majored in journalism. college is where i learned to write and i think they taught me well. my favorite professor was dr. sweeney, the ap style guru. his copy editing and design class was probably my favorite journalism class. he'd probably cringe at my lack of proper title case, but whatever. :)

why did i choose journalism? honestly, i was inspired by ari fleischer, former press secretary for george w. bush. i saw him on television...and i thought, "hey! i could do that!" i did a bit of quick research and decided i should major in public relations so i could be a future press secretary. not that i thought ari was anything particularly worth writing home about, but i liked his speaking style and i thought he was a very smart dude. ari, if you ever read this, you inspired me to return to college and actually settle on a major. thanks, pal.

i am sorely off topic. back to talk radio...paul harvey...should probably retire. he was old when i was a kid, and let's face it...i ain't a kid any more! i used to enjoy rush limbaugh, but rarely catch his show now. my relationship with dr. laura is love/hate. sometimes she is soooo right...and sometimes she is such a crazy wrong bitch.

for the drive home...i tune in (written as if i have to change the station or something) to for the people. you've heard me talk about it before...they let me guest blog there sometimes. i love tom and ryan's show! it's local, it's pertinent and sometimes really stupid people call in. those are the best calls! just to be fair, they get some real smart homies on the phone, too.

paul absolutely hates talk radio. he knows when he drives my car that he'll be changing the station or putting in a cd right after he turns the key. the kids aren't fans either. they often (ok, always) complain "mom! you always have to listen to the news!! we HATE the news!" maybe i just can't stand to listen to "i like to move it, move it" (from madagascar) one more time.

funny. i remember bitching about my dad always watching or listening to news when i was a kid. i just wanted some tunes or to watch something else entirely.

it's 12:21 a.m. coast to coast is on. i am tired as hell, yet wide awake. please, please, please let this insomnia pass sooooon.

OH...and acuna won! they'll be on the live and local stage at the big ass show on october 6! i'll post more details later... thanks for all your votes!

a home for us

so...i've found a house i want to buy. now i just have to figure out how to make it happen.

i'll be poor, but it will be something i own. something that paul and i do together. now i just have to figure out where to get the money...

anyone got any good ideas? grand schemes? $25k they'd like to give a poor gal? /wink.

i need some good financial karma.

Work Wanted (Blogger for Utah Jazz)

I am attempting to get "hired" to blog for the Utah Jazz.

"hired"= no pay

I love the Jazz. I love going to games, talking the talk, and drinking the beer. I do have a designated driver btw... My mom.

I might mention that this is Jess' idea. She knows how much of a Jazz fan I am.

So... I applied for the position. I sent an email with why I love the Jazz, and why I want to blog for them. Wish me luck!

vote for acuna!

friends, romans, countrymen (and countrywomen)...lend me your ears!

please do me a personal favor and go here to vote for my friend and colleague's band, acuna... they'll be playing a live show at the gallivan center tomorrow night in an effort to win a spot in the world-famous (ok, state famous) big ass show, sponsored by x-96. if you are in the greater salt lake area tomorrow night and you are free, GO SEE THIS CONCERT! it's FREE!! kids are welcome! it starts at 7 p.m., with acuna taking the stage at 9:15 p.m. vote for acuna!

here's how you vote. click the link. scroll down. fill out the form... just the required fields. you don't have to put your real phone number or email (but it has to look real to validate). VOTE FOR ACUNA... so riley will shut the hell up and leave me alone. he is the dude on the far left in that picture if you care. i taught him everything he knows about his job. he owes his career to me.

thank you, thank you, thank you! oh...and vote more than once!! check them out on myspace, too. you can listen to their tunes there and add them to your friends.

wtf does acuna mean? no one seems to know. leave us a comment...and tell us what acuna means!!!

Check... Check... Check... can you hear me in back, and yes July sucks!

I currently hate the month of July. It is HOT as (insert four letter word here), and I am busy.

• New neighbor with kids the same ages as my kids... check
• Various family functions I wish I could avoid... check
• Garage sale (wtf was I thinking?)... check
• Work (that I honestly haven't even touched at all and will haunt me now)... check
• Creating a new site for our blog (I also haven't even done this at all this week)... check
• 105 Fahrenheit... check
• Cleaning out the garage with my husband today... check/groan

Shoot me now.

What I wanted to do all week was actually just take the week off. I planned for this week to be a vacation and I didn't do any relaxing at all. I can't wait to work tomorrow. It will be a break.

And another thing

I now have a reputation, possibly, in the well drilling world for being a complete and total bitch who complains about every little thing that the driller and drill crew do that I don't like.

Turns out that the last driller I worked with was fired because a co-worker and myself complained, legitimately, about some problems we had with him and his crew.

What it came down to was that he made inappropriate comments directed towards us but not TO us. He also verbally expressed discontent with us and our project.

Between you and I, the project wasn't all that great. Don't get me wrong, it's a cool project but we had some problems with the drilling that neither us (the geologists) nor them (the drillers) had any sort of control over. They were things we had to work around, and working with a driller who had a bad attitude (but great sense of humor) and was nothing less than hormonal exacerbated the problems.

But that doesn't make me feel any better about this guy getting fired because we had issues. I feel like a total ass!

Have you ever gotten, unintentionally or not, anyone fired? If so, how did you feel about it? Am I just extra sensitive?

My ass yearns to be seen

or something of the like. I'm not sure exactly what is going on with it but maybe all this running/biking is making my ass look fabulous and it wants to be seen by all. I say this because of 2 recent side-splitting (ahem... pants ripping) events.

If only I had pictures, this post would be SOOOO much better and my ass's dream would be realized.

EVENT 1-
Tom and I are hiking north of Pike's Peak (maybe you've heard of it?) which culminates in a glacial cirque (are there any other kind?). After a difficult but exhilarating hike through the snow and up the glacial valley we get to the "top" and decide to wander around for awhile and have a few beers.

As the sun began to wane, we decided it was time to head for the bottom of the hill and so started searching for the elusive 'best way down.' I decided to head down at a certain spot that seemed quite promising. All was well until I stepped on a gently sloping (about 10 degrees) slab of wet Pike's Peak Granite. I'm sure you can guess what happened next... I slipped and slid on my ass down the final 10 ft of this slab.

I almost lost 1/2 of my shorts! The rip was that big! Ok, I exaggerate, slightly. But the ripped flap, held open, showed the world my ass. And we had a 6 mile hike back down to the train stop... and LOTS of people who would ALL see my ass!

Luckily, I have a great guy who remedied the situation by lending me his boxer shorts to cover the ass.

You should've seen the customer service guy's face at REI when I returned the shorts (they were new, damnit!) when I told him how they ripped. He was trying really hard not to laugh but didn't succeed very well.

EVENT 2-
I'm out in the field earlier this week, and it's HOT, methinks it was approximately 99 degrees. I squat down to open up a well head and RRRRRIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!

I thought, to myself, did my pants just effing rip?

And then I felt the breeze on my ass. I quickly stood up and must've had this 'HOLY SHIT MY ASS IS HANGING OUT' look on my face because the guy I was working with knew, immediately, what had happened.

He was almost rolling on the ground laughing, as he should. And then, after almost composing himself, asked if my shirt was long enough to cover the rip.

It wasn't.

So he lent me his shirt (he had 2 on) which was a bit longer than mine. And then continued to make jokes and laugh (as he should). Luckily for me (again) I had a spare pair of pants in my car.

When I switched out the pants and was able to SEE the rip, I about cried, I was laughing so hard. The rip was about 8 inches long and went all the way to the waist hem!

The best part... I was, of course, wearing very revealing panties (read: g-string).

world's smallest political quiz

thanks to jm bell for this.

here's my score:
what are you? go here to find out!

p.s. it's just for fun! it's not science...

**edit** here's another test. i am still a left-winged libertarian...closest to ghandi's political beliefs and a polar opposite of george w. bush. entertaining! warning: that test has big words. :)

tha dawg dayz of summer, yo

it's hot. and not just hot, but HAWT. it's been 95 plus for more than a week...and it's going to stay that way for at least another week. it's even hot at night...the temperature doesn't get much lower than 60. it was 82 degrees at 10 a.m. at least that's what the bank clock said. you know how accurate those are!

as a direct result of the heat, my brain has almost ceased functioning. the days at work are lonnnnnnnng. and as long as they are, they are dullllllll. (in my best ben stein voice...)

it's enough to drive me insane.

the a/c in my car does not work. it's $600 to fix. to remedy this small problem, i park under the one tiny tree in the work parking lot, with the windows rolled down. yesterday, i get to work, and this dude i work with has stolen my space. everyone knows i park there. it's official: i hate him. he probably doesn't care, but so what? neither do i. QUIT PARKING IN MY SPACE!!

i don't know if it's the heat or if they are just bored, but my kids are driving me NUTS. this is my morning, EVERY morning...

the scene: mom is in the bathroom, rushing to get ready for work, because as usual, she hit snooze one too many times. a tiny timid knock comes at the door...
me: yes...
jenna: whine whine whine (i can't hear her, b/c she didn't open the door...which she KNOWS i hate, b/c i CAN'T HEAR HER!)
me: honey, you'll have to open the door and come in. i can't hear you.
jenna: (in a ginormous whiny voice) mom, will you help me find clothes? i can't find any clothes.
me: honey, you picked an outfit last night.
jenna: but i don't like that one.
me: did you sleep well?
jenna: no. jakey kept me up all night long. he stole the covers.
me: go get dressed.
jenna stomps off, crying. she later returns for me to do her hair. this always leads to much crying and threats for me to CHOP IT OFF. and i am not kidding. (it's almost down to her butt.) so i finally come out of the bathroom, gather my things, rush around, tidy up, etc...then...
jenna: (whiny voice again) mommy, i just don't know what to have for breakfast today. there's nothing to eat.
me: you didn't eat yet? honey! you've had 20 minutes!!
jenna: i don't know what to have!! (and she's CRYING)
me: how about toast? (as i slam two pieces of bread in the toaster. i can't BELIEVE this is happening again.)
jenna: fine. can i have sugar on it?
me: NO.

at night, they fight incessantly. jenna's always tattling or crying, jake's always laughing and taunting his sister. i honestly don't know how much more i can take. this...after i drive home for 30 minutes in traffic, with no a/c and parking space dude STOLE MY SPOT...so he can make his five minute drive home.

it's time for bed. at least my home is air conditioned. please send good thoughts to the families of the firefighters fighting to contain the milford flat wildfire in central utah, and to anyone who lives there or who is traveling near there.

swimming lessons

when i was a kid, i rode the bus with a group of fellow heathens to the high school swimming pool for lessons. i am not sure i would let my kids do that today, although i think i was about jake's age the first time i went. i was a horrible swimmer then, and i am sure i am not any better now.

rewind... i am about 7 years old or so. i jumped off of a high diving board into my dad's arms...but my dad missed me (slippery little kid!) and i plunged to the bottom of the pool. it scared me to death. i was officially scarred for life.

fast forward...level 4 swimming lessons. (and i know the dude's name, but i won't share it here) let's call him assmunch. assmunch (the teacher) is making us jump from the diving board. i don't want to. assmunch makes me anyway. so i stand on the board, sobbing, in front of all my friends and people who weren't my friends. finally i jump....turns out i didn't die. so what???? i wanted to. i'll probably never jump off of a diving board again in my life. assmunch is hated by me to this day. he contributed to my humiliation and i'll never forget it.

ruined for life. ruined. i don't remember having a great childhood...just for the record. this was just another unhappy snippet.

my kids started lessons today. jake was placed in the level 2 group, then quickly moved up to the 3 group. jenna is still level 1, but i think they'll move her tomorrow. she's doing great.

i am scared for my kids to swim. i have completely irrational fear they'll drown. two years ago, my son got out a little too close to the deep end at my sister's pool, and i had to jump in fully clothed to save his scrawny little ass from drowning. today, the little monkey is doing front flips off the diving board (after no less than 3 big ass bounces). he made my heart stop. you know... i don't panic about much of what my kids do. i am pretty liberal with their activities. this one has me all worked up.

they are growing up so fast. is that what bothers me more than anything else?

Our new blog... coming soon!

I have just purchased my hosting.

I already have our domain.

Now I just need to get it all up! /sigh

Soon... soon...

muckraker

i've stirred up quite the controversy over on kvnu's for the people blog. you may want to check it out!

i'll be on vacation until Monday, July 9, so if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because i am offline, not because i've been kidnapped...

happy fourth of july! have a safe and happy holiday!!

xoxo

my new-ish workout plan

my new work out plan is this:

35 minutes of heart pumping exercise every day for 30 days

AND yoga doesn't count?!

so... now i'll tell you how i'm doing thus far... i just finished day 9. i'm trying to switch between biking and running so as to not kill myself from the get go. thus far, i'm doing great. i might even start to like the run. and today's run was made all the more better by listening to the Savage Love Podcast. it's like his column but people call in and he rants while answering sex questions. makes for good laughs while sweating your ass off and such.

so i got this idea about blogging about the fitness plan (yes, i know, no one's ever thought of it before- call me revolutionary) when i heard this effing lame story about a lady blogging away debt. now, not that posting your spending, to the penny, for all the world to see isn't motivation to get your shit together and pay off ass loads of credit card debt, because it is. scrutiny is always rough. but it made me think about this other story i heard (i am a talk radio and podcast junkie) about a woman doing the same sort of thing but asking people for money to help her pay off her credit card debt.

let me be forthright about this... i think donating money towards a good cause, such as the Barfuss kids coughing machine (which i donated to) is fantastic. and as americans, we're great at coming to the rescue with money when it's needed. but, seriously! asking total strangers for money to pay off your credit card debt because you don't know how to live within your means seems totally uncalled for. in my opinion. plus, i don't think it gets to the heart of the spending problem and likely, that lady just continued to spend without any other consequence.

maybe i'm totally wrong. and maybe my complaint makes me a complete and utter bitch. but whatever.

either way. i'm totally off subject and thought i'd blog about the fitness plan to keep me motivated to keep it up! so stay tuned for random posts about it.

Thank you... thank you... and thank you!

I have great friends. I have great family. I also have great blog readers. I really want all of you to know that. I have never before asked friends or family for money. Well maybe I have, but only for a few dollars if I was short at lunch. Thanks Jess! Thanks Loralee! Thanks Al!

Now that I have (asked for help, that is)... I am impressed.

In less than one week we have raised more than $500 toward the cough assist machine for my nephew Isis and my niece Phoenix. This astounds me! It makes me smile that a hobby of mine (blogging) can be of great use and help someone. Actually two someones whom I care a great deal about. I am completely stunned that complete strangers would help me raise money for my nephew and niece whose father (my brother-in-law) grew up in Logan, Utah. Thank you!

Currently they have raised $3,255.12 of the $10,000 required to buy this machine. This machine is very important. Since I wrote my first post on this subject, Isis has been hospitalized for respiratory problems. Hopefully they will no longer have this type of problem after they get the cough assist. So once again... I thank all of you.

I also want to specifically thank Karen, Loralee and Rob for all blogging about this. I wouldn't have been able to reach the amount of people that I did without you. Thank you. To all the strangers, and not so strangers, that contributed from their blogs... THANK YOU TOO!

To be announced... about Isis and Phoenix

An updated and thank you post will be released later tonight or tomorrow morning on the status of the cough assist machine for Isis and Phoenix. I am currently waiting for an email from their mother Jasmine.

In the meantime I want to let you all know I appreciate every single donation that has been made.

More to come...

shoe mania!

maybe you don't know this...but i looooove a great pair of shoes. i don't even care if they're practical. i could spend an entire day in a single shoe store. i love shoes.

so, it only seems fitting that you head on over to stevemadden.com and vote for local gal Krista Nielson's shoe design. not only is her shoe the best, but she's from UTAH!!! plus, when you vote, you get entered into a contest to win a $100 gift certificate from steve madden!! july 2 is the last day to vote, so get over there and vote for contestant #2, the red patent leather boots ASAP. support a local mommy...

**disclaimer: the site does ask for your personal information for the contest... i hate that, but whatever. i voted anyway. now, go! vote!

the search for a new place blows

this post is going to seem extremely trivial, coming as it does after the Isis & Phoenix Barfuss Rigid Spine post. let me apologize now.

i want to take this opportunity to complain about searching for a new place to live. i loathe the search. it may be that i am extra picky. i have lived in a wide variety of apartments and know what i want and what will suit me. but since the home break in and subsequent car theft and recent car stereo theft, i have to add the parking situation (e.g., is it off street? is there a garage? etc.) to the list of questions and requirements for a place.

but it seems that most places with garages are not so fond of letting me keep my gordo gato (we all know he's going wherever i go). others tout the availability of off-street parking which basically means a small parking area that is easily accessible and not necessarily secured but is just not on the street.

so safety is the most important aspect of the new place. next is the kitchen counter/cabinet space. I have yet to figure out why it is that most rentals are lacking in these vital (to those of us who pretend to cook) components. i've seen pictures of places that have great counter space but they are either located in an area of town that i don't want to live or (once again) are discriminating against me (not really.. i understand why some landlords don't want to allow pets) for being a pet owner.

what to do? what to do?

to date, i've looked at 5-8 places and not one of them gave me the 'aha!' moment i've been searching for. i have another two (at least) to go and check out today. one w/ garage and one w/out but w/ gated access. both are located near nice parks and allow the gato.

maybe i need to tone down my requirements. i mean do i really need ass loads of kitchen counter space? food storage? a place other then the bathroom for the kitty's litter box? a nice storage area for my bike and other sentimental stuff? i would LOVE to find a great 2 bd place where i could eventually put a small desk for my computer (instead of sitting on le bed) and use for storage of above stuff and winter-ish clothes.

i guess having the rest of the month to look gives me some space but i'm not to sure that i want to do the 'hey it's july 31st and i'm moving out of my current place and into the new place and then have to go back and clean the old place' all in the same day. if you'll remember, such things are a HUGE pain in the ass.

ok. rant over.

i'll keep you posted on the search results!