need a job??

if so, i've got just the one for you!!

thanks to my pals over at for the people, i've got a hot job lead for any gals in or around the cache valley area.

i should give a tiny bit of background for those of you who, bless your souls, have never been to cache valley.

we have one sex shop here in town. i am sure if i am wrong, corrections will be issued. this little sex shop is reknowned and very popular. the front of the store has clothing, incense, bongs, jewelry, bumper stickers, etc. the middle of the store has lotions, gels, potions, and then there's the lingerie. camo boy shorts with a matching bustier. a pink sheer babydoll with thong panties. a red feather boa.

then...the revered "back" of the store. toys, dildos, and more!! stuff you never imagined or dreamed of, let alone considered.

it's a bit out of place here in logan. it's across the street from the lds tabernacle and next door to one of the higher-priced restaurants in town. there IS a tattoo/piercing parlor upstairs. in spite of having a local farmer's market, a coffee roasting company, an artisan bread bakery and an entire university community, the persian peacock is a store all it's own!

well, this little ole sex shop is hiring. i am going to answer their questions as if i were actually interviewing for the job. it's posted on craig's list, too...

here's the requirements:
1) Female, 21 yrs. or older CHECK.

2) Must be sexually experienced- I realize this may sound like an odd requirement but we sell sex, no? uh, CHECK.

3) Must be comfortable talking about sex, with a straight face, to people as old as your mother. LMAO. Ok, CHECK.

4) Retail experience a plus. Management experience gets double bonus points. I, uh, have a college degree!

5) Available Monday-Friday 3-9 pm, Sat 10-9. These hours are not set in stone, but scheduling will likely fall within this time frame. Whatever!!

and now...onto the questions..

1) Do you shop at Wal-Mart? Yes/No Why? yes, i do. it's less expensive than other stores and i have a fixed income/budget. i also support local business whenever i can, like when i want a good cup of coffee or a giant purple dildo that vibrates.

2) When was the last time you were in our store? What did you buy? i was in there last september. i bought my boyfriend some gifts. i'd love to discuss them with you in person. one item was from the lotion/gel/potion category, the other was from the back o the store!

3) Have you ever been/lived outside of Cache Valley? Where? i have always lived here, but i've traveled extensively. i am not a mormon, if that's what you are getting at.

4) List three other locally-owned businesses you frequent. Cafe Ibis. The White Owl. Cafe Sabor. Center Street Grille.

5) Favorite Movie of all time? Song? Book? It's hard to just pick one, but here goes: Gladiator (with Russell Crowe) Head Like A Hole by NIN, Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier.

6) How do you feel about Bush? (the one in the white house not your pants) eh. you should be more worried about how i feel about the mayor of Logan, Randy Watts.

7) What is your relationship to coffee? How do you take it? i have a love/hate relationship with coffee. i love it, but it often upsets my stomach. i drink it with 2-4 creamers, no sugar. i love a great cup of coffee in the morning.

8) Method of birth control? Thoughts on condoms? i have no uterus. enough said, i reckon? before that, i had a mirena IUD that i absolutely loved and would recommend to ANYONE. condoms suck, but they are necessary for people who choose not to be monogamous.

In one to two paragraphs, tell us why you're awesome and why we should hire you.
you all know why i am awesome. i'll skip this part...

in a completely UNrelated story, paul and i celebrated our two-year anniversary this weekend...without even noticing it. may 26 was the big day!! two years is a long time...

stay tuned for these upcoming posts from me: "what if..." and "arachnophobia."

xoxo