Drumroll please!!!

Are you ready for it?

Are you sure?

Are you really really sure?

www.seehearspeaknoevil.com

Surprised? So were we! Ever since we tried to create our blog that name has been taken. Blogger. Wordpress. Yahoo. Hotmail. Google. Basically anything that was free. I am just thankful that there are so many freeloaders out there.

Anyways, our blog isn't quite finished. At least not 100%. We need to write our bio's, so please excuse their lameness. We also need to add a few categories and pages and such. We will post on each of these updates for you.

I will personally post a few more times on THIS site to let you know to move over. All of our "real" new post will be there.

As I said... www.seehearspeaknoevil.com If you have THIS blog bookmarked make sure to make the change.

I'll see you over there!

We are moving our blog THIS WEEKEND!!!

Alright, I have got our new blog up and running. I will be tweaking a few little things this weekend to make it perfect (or at least not completely crap.) I'll post the new address on Monday.

Are you excited?

Are you ready?

Want me to STFU already?

LOL... I'll even post the big pile of shit I had to go through to make this happen. /sigh

Until Monday...

**EDIT** p.s. this is jess. please update your blogrolls for us! please!!! xoxo

Thank you friend!

I have a friend who made my day today. I just want to say thank you!

This friend of mine brought me a "beverage." If you know me, you know what I mean. /wink Anyways, I was having an alright day, but he was having a crappy day. This is when Tom comes in... aka Tom Collins that is.

Yum.

I hope you have a better week. Thank you for walking me over a drink. I think we need to designate a Tom Collins day. At least once a month.

Work Wanted (Blogger for Utah Jazz)

I am attempting to get "hired" to blog for the Utah Jazz.

"hired"= no pay

I love the Jazz. I love going to games, talking the talk, and drinking the beer. I do have a designated driver btw... My mom.

I might mention that this is Jess' idea. She knows how much of a Jazz fan I am.

So... I applied for the position. I sent an email with why I love the Jazz, and why I want to blog for them. Wish me luck!

Check... Check... Check... can you hear me in back, and yes July sucks!

I currently hate the month of July. It is HOT as (insert four letter word here), and I am busy.

• New neighbor with kids the same ages as my kids... check
• Various family functions I wish I could avoid... check
• Garage sale (wtf was I thinking?)... check
• Work (that I honestly haven't even touched at all and will haunt me now)... check
• Creating a new site for our blog (I also haven't even done this at all this week)... check
• 105 Fahrenheit... check
• Cleaning out the garage with my husband today... check/groan

Shoot me now.

What I wanted to do all week was actually just take the week off. I planned for this week to be a vacation and I didn't do any relaxing at all. I can't wait to work tomorrow. It will be a break.

Our new blog... coming soon!

I have just purchased my hosting.

I already have our domain.

Now I just need to get it all up! /sigh

Soon... soon...

Thank you... thank you... and thank you!

I have great friends. I have great family. I also have great blog readers. I really want all of you to know that. I have never before asked friends or family for money. Well maybe I have, but only for a few dollars if I was short at lunch. Thanks Jess! Thanks Loralee! Thanks Al!

Now that I have (asked for help, that is)... I am impressed.

In less than one week we have raised more than $500 toward the cough assist machine for my nephew Isis and my niece Phoenix. This astounds me! It makes me smile that a hobby of mine (blogging) can be of great use and help someone. Actually two someones whom I care a great deal about. I am completely stunned that complete strangers would help me raise money for my nephew and niece whose father (my brother-in-law) grew up in Logan, Utah. Thank you!

Currently they have raised $3,255.12 of the $10,000 required to buy this machine. This machine is very important. Since I wrote my first post on this subject, Isis has been hospitalized for respiratory problems. Hopefully they will no longer have this type of problem after they get the cough assist. So once again... I thank all of you.

I also want to specifically thank Karen, Loralee and Rob for all blogging about this. I wouldn't have been able to reach the amount of people that I did without you. Thank you. To all the strangers, and not so strangers, that contributed from their blogs... THANK YOU TOO!

To be announced... about Isis and Phoenix

An updated and thank you post will be released later tonight or tomorrow morning on the status of the cough assist machine for Isis and Phoenix. I am currently waiting for an email from their mother Jasmine.

In the meantime I want to let you all know I appreciate every single donation that has been made.

More to come...

My nephew and niece need your help!

I am asking you to help... I understand if you can't...

My nephew Isis and my new niece Phoenix have finally been diagnosed with Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy. It has taken over FIVE years to get this diagnosis. That is five years of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law worrying all the time. Having test after test done on Isis, and still not knowing what is wrong. It hasn't been easy for their family. It hasn't been easy for my family either. In many ways we are thankful that we know what they have. We are all finally done wondering. Now that we know though... we are all sad. Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy is not any easy disease to have.

Since Isis was 6 months old he has been fed by a feeding tube. Originally it was through his nose down to his stomach, but now he has a plug which is actually connected through his belly to his stomach. Everyday Isis sits for hours when a machine pumps food into his stomach. Tell me this... when was the last time you saw a 6 year old sit for hours to eat? How about a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 year old? Isis has done this his whole life. His parents taught him to read at a very early age, and so he either reads or draws to pass the time. I am attaching some drawings that Isis did, and that his mother colored for him.

Although there is no cure, there are ways to prolong life and help these children that have this disease. One is a cough assist machine that helps them cough. With Rigid Spine both my niece and nephew have very weak muscles. So weak in fact that Isis still cannot stand up by himself without having help or using furniture. He is six years old now. Phoenix cannot even sit, or does she even try to sit/crawl/scoot. We think she may be worse than her brother. The cough assist machine will will be used for both kids, and they will be hooked up in the morning to strengthen their lungs. Hopefully with this they can better fight off illness, and we can have them with us as long as possible.

My brother-in-law Nick is asking for donations for the cough assist machine. Even small donations will add up. It is not covered at all by insurance nor will he get one from the Australian government. Socialized medicine apparently doesn't think it is necessary. I guess it isn't, but will it ever help them. /sigh I am asking my friends and family to help me help them get this machine. I realize not everyone can donate, and I do not expect anyone to. I just want to give you the opportunity. Thank you friends!

Read below to find out how to donate, and to read up more about Rigid Spine. Nick has a blog and a website. The links are below. Thank you again!

From Nick... "Isis and Phoenix have a very rare disease called Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy. After attending a really great Muscular Dystrophy conference we discovered a machine that will help Isis and Phoenix to fight of Chest infections in the years to come. It is called the Cough Assist...

Attached is a flyer we are spreading around, because we are trying to get enough money for the machine which is $10,000 US.

If you can help us in any way please read the flyer, or visit the HERO: The Isis Barfuss Cough Assist Campaign website Nick built to find out how you can help. http://www.nickbarfuss.com/hero

Even if you can't (which is totally fine, please don't feel like you have to!) check out the following websites to find out more about Isis and Phoenix and their condition!

http://www.nickbarfuss.com/hero

A site created by Nick to help raise awareness about the importance the Cough Assist Machine for Isis and Phoenix.

http://rigidspine.blogspot.com/

**edit by jess**
dear friends and readers in the blogosphere...please help us by linking to either this page or directly to the websites nick has created (links above). we really want to get the word out here and raise awareness as much as we can... got any ideas? send them to us by email (bestmonkeyfriends AT yahoo DOT com) or leave a comment on this post. xoxo

Religion in Politics?

The history of the United States is somewhat complicated. I admit freely that I am particularly forgetful on key points. One of my good friends is an history teacher at a local high school. He often quizzes me about important American history facts. I fail every time. Miserably even.

I do know that our forefathers and ancestors immigrated to the colonies to to better their lives. Many of them wanted to free themselves from religious persecution. In a perfect world that would have happened. Yet religion was often still an issue.

Today it is still an issue.

"Mitt Romney for President in 2008? Should I vote for him? I hear he is a Mormon..."

I personally believe that it doesn't matter what religion someone believes in, as long as they are a good person. I even know agnostic people that I believe are great, and even some atheist. I cannot personally vouch for Mitt Romney. I do not know him. I also have not followed his political career. To be honest, I haven't really paid attention to any of the candidates for president. Guess I should pay attention.

To my point...

I am just really annoyed that Romney's religion is more of an issue than the issues he represents. I am completely unaware of what religion, if any, is practiced by the other presidential candidates. Are they Catholic, Baptist, Buddhist, Scientologist or what? Does it matter? Really? I would think that the job they would do is much more important. They are actually applying for a job. It happens to be a very important job, but a job. I know believing in God is very important to most Americans. I know that their President believing in God is also important. It represents the majority.

Mormons happen to believe in God. If you didn't know this... surprise! The fact that many people do not realize this still stumps me. I know that Catholics also believe in God, as do Baptist, even Southern Baptist. Y'all can just thank me later. Scientologist happen to believe in L Ron Hubbard. If Scientologist happened to believe in George Lucas... you could just sign me up now. /wink

In conclusion, please pay more attention to what issues your candidate is representing than what issues others bring up about them. I do not know who I will be voting for in 2008, but I do know I will be watching very closely at what each candidate says about the other candidates. In Utah I am a minority as I happen to be a Democrat. I am also very liberal for Utah. The other day I was even called a "Godless Liberal" by a family member. /sigh I may be a liberal, but I am not Godless.

Last Saturday my son almost died...

Yes, you read that correctly. Last Saturday my son almost died. He is FINE. Let me put that out there for all of you before you worry too much.

How did he almost die?

My son picked up a rattlesnake. A young, very venomous, very real rattlesnake. I know it was a rattlesnake because I took a picture of it at the end of it all.

He WASN'T bitten. I don't know how. I don't know why. I am just very thankful.

Now that you know all the important parts I will begin the story.

I had decided to take my husband and family camping for fathers day. My husband loves to camp. I hate it. I hate it even more now. Anyways, I went shopping and purchased all the food required for this weekend retreat. Gram crackers, marsh mellows, chocolate... can you tell we made smores? I also picked up some chicken and potatoes for dutch oven cooking. Yum. My husband was in charge of packing the tent, sleeping bags, and all the other camping equipment. He did a great job.

Saturday morning my husband went and picked out a camping spot up Logan Canyon. Guinavah-Malibu was his camp site of choice. The site was great. Close to the bathrooms and nicely shaded. He took the kids up early and set up camp. I had to work until 5:30 p.m. that night, so I arrived around 7:00 p.m. I finally arrive and the kids go nuts. The are very excited that I am there. The really cool feature at this particular campsite is there is an amphitheater. My husband and I actually got married there.

My husband and kids all brought their guitars so they wanted to perform on the stage. We go up and they all take turns performing. My husband plays real songs while my kids strum and make up songs. Quite entertaining. It is fun to hear what they come up with. During my daughters performance my son goes down the side steps to come around and sit by me. He decided, I guess, to go the "long" way. Then he starts calling me,"Hey Mom! Come here!" He sounded really excited and honestly WAS. /shudders I stand up and walk behind the amphitheaterwhere he is now located. He bends down and picks up a snake and starts laughing.
Alright, we ALL now know how much I really HATE snakes. Any snakes.

Here is the dialog and my observations at this point:
Me: PUT THAT SNAKE DOWN!
Son: Why? Is it venomous?
(At this particular time I cannot tell that it is a rattlesnake. I am about 15 feet away and it is small. It also looked slightly yellow to me, but alarm bells were ringing in my head.)
Me: I DON'T KNOW. PUT THE SNAKE DOWN!
Son: I want to show dad.
Me: PUT THE SNAKE DOWN!
Son: If I swing it this way mom it can't bite me.
(He starts swinging the snake in a circle. He is holding the snake by the tail. He also starts running towards me since he KNOWS I am scared of snakes.)
Son: Dad! I got a snake!
Dad: Let me see it.
Me: PUT THE SNAKE DOWN! (seems this is all I could say)
Dad: (takes snake by tail) Um, this is a Rattlesnake Brigitte.)
Me: SON, GET AWAY FROM YOUR DAD NOW!!! THAT SNAKE IS POISONOUS!
(My son steps away and I pull him back. My husband walks away and puts the snake down. FINALLY)
Me: Son, did you get bitten? Honestly, tell me now. Did the snake bite you? I need to know if I have to take you to the hospital right now.
Son: Um... no.
Me: Son, you have to tell me now. Did it bite you anywhere?
Son: NO MOM!
(My husband comes back now)
Me: Dad, did the snake bite you?
Dad: No.
Me: Are you sure? Check.
(This is when I personally check my son and husband for bites. I honestly don't believe either of them.)

In conclusion, both my son and husband are fine. Neither was bitten. I have checked my son at least five times a day since this event. I keep looking at his feet and hands. I know how serious this is. If that snake would have bitten my son he would most likely be dead right now. At the least his arm would have been amputated. The smaller rattlesnakes supposedly have three times the concentrate of venom. I am very thankful that this didn't end up a tragedy. Around 8000 people are bitten each year by venomous snakes in the United States. Around 15 of them die each year. Most of the deaths occur in children and people who weigh less than 120 lbs. I've been studying. Just go to the links to read for yourself.

I am very relieved, but I am also very angry. I am angry at myself that I didn't teach my son better. I have a snake book and have often read it to him. I have shown him what a rattlesnake looks like. We have a lot around here. I am very angry with myself for not explaining in absolute detail what we should do when we see this type of snake. I have said that we leave them alone and get away. Obviously it wasn't enough. Now he knows that he is NOT allowed to pick up any snakes at all, unless his dad says he can. NO SNAKES. NONE. So if his dad is not there... too bad. I made this point clear. I make it clear everyday.

I have also cried everyday. The emotions that go through me astound me. One second I am fine, and then the next I am bawling. I can't help it. I just keep thinking "what if?" I really could use some type of muscle relaxer, Valium, mind-altering drug (not that I am endorsing them at all) to get my mind off of this. I have to take Tylenol PM at night just to finally fall asleep. I hope this goes away someday. Any advice?

I love my son.
I love my husband.
I love my daughter.
I love my parents.
I love my friends. All of you.

My dreams have been shattered!

You know when you are little... you know the dreams you have... well one of my dreams has just been shattered.

I can no longer be a Barker Babe.

/sobs

/cries

Today was the final filming of the Price is Right. I am totally bummed out right now. Bob Barker is one of my heroes. Not only can he tell you to "Come On Down" but he can also take a kiss from some of the most freakish fans. If you have ever seen the show you would totally understand.

I am just mad I never made it to be in his studio audience.

I am also mad I do not live in California. Increased cost of living and all. I really want the nice warm weather that is typical MOST of the year. Should I mention it SNOWED in our mountains today. Yes... SNOW!!!!!!!!!!

So to all my friends and family, I would ask that you respect my need to mourn the end of Bob Barker's reign over the Price is Right. /sigh I guess they are replacing him with someone in the fall. (stomps around room)

Anyone up for Plinko?

P.S. Make sure you get your pets spayed or neutered.

Because I am a meany and a terrible mom!

Let's get this straight. I know I am NOT a terrible mom. Maybe not a great mom, but not a terrible one. Some days are better than others. If you have kids you understand. If you don't have kids, but have mistakenly visited a "family" restaurant... you also understand.

Today my daughter tried to manipulate me.

Remember that she is five years old. FIVE!

Here is the scenario...

Today my daughter, my mother and I had lunch at Arby's in Logan. In case their headquarters happens to Google this... we had great customer service. Give all the employees raises! Anyways, Arby's was terribly busy today. We finished eating and my daughter wanted some ice cream. Anyone who knows my mom knows how much of a sucker she is for giving my kids anything they want. They are her only grand kids after all. What this meant is that I got to stand in line for 15 minutes waiting to order an ice cream. Once again the employees were working their butts off Arby's headquarters. Trust me. So... my daughter got her ice cream.

Fast forward five minutes later in the car...

This is when I am driving to Maceys in Providence.

Daughter: mom, um, since we are going to Maceys can I have a doughnut?
Me: Uh, NO.
Daughter: Why not momma?
Me: Because you are currently eating a milkshake and do not need anymore sugar today.
Daughter: Why not? You have loaded me up with sugar before. (Yes, she said this)
Me: Well, um, I really do NOT like to load you up on sugar.
Daughter: PLEASE??? (in that annoying voice)
Me: No... I am a mean mom.
Daughter: No your not. (in the sing song voice)
Me: Um, yes I am! (in the same sing song voice)

Fast forward 20 minutes later...

I get out of the car and start to go into the house. My arms are full with groceries. This is when my daughter starts complaining that she has to carry in a milkshake and gum. Yeah, a milkshake and a gum. Let me remind you that my arms are FULL. So I leave her in the car.

My daughter is perfectly capable of carrying in said items, and she gets in and out of the car by herself all the time.

Ten minutes later she comes into the house crying that I left her and that I am a "mean" mom because I wouldn't help her carry ALL of her stuff in.

I swear I give up.

Life... or something like it.

Life...

For all of you that KNOW, things are officially on the upside in my life right now.

Or something like it...

My son gets out of school on Friday. I am not looking forward to this at all. Not at all. To tell you the truth, most parents have the same feelings that I do. We love our kids. We really do. It is just that three months is a LONG time.

The thing that is the hardest for me in the summer is my kids complaining about being bored. I really try hard to have activities for them to do almost every day, but it is hard. I set up play dates, we go on walks or hikes, we camp and barbecue, we visit friends, we go to grandmas, we go on vacations, and we watch movies and t.v. It really doesn't matter because my kids get bored. I just get annoyed.

So just plan on me going nuts here in the next few months.

Pepe le Pew

Yes, I have a skunk outside my house right now.

No, it doesn't smell good.

Yes, the smell has infiltrated inside my house.

No, I haven't seen the skunk. Nor do I want to. HELLO!!!!

Yes, it is driving me nuts.

Anyways, this usually happened more to me when I lived in BFE at my parents house. It is not supposed to happen when I live in the big city of Logan. Ok, I know Logan is not a "big" city, but isn't it big enough NOT to have skunks running wild? LOL.

Skunks Gone Wild... the new series on Animal Planet.

Can you tell I am tired?

I can. /snore

Hey Jess, I just gave the skunk your address since you live in the country and all. /wink You run a pet store anyways. What is one more pet anyways?

The things kids say...

**Note** I actually wrote this post weeks ago. I finally decided to post it since I have nothing else I can actually write about. Not that I don't have stuff to write about... just that I currently CAN'T write about it. Let's just say I had a really shitty last week. If you really want to know about it send me an email.

**End Note**

Warning, this post is not being censored... Possibly should be, but it isn't.

1. If you do not like foul language, DO NOT READ THIS POST.
2. Once again... foul language. Hello, if you hate foul language why are you still reading? Trust me... STOP!
3. I warned you...
   

I am about to tell you a true story. An unfortunately true story.

How do you know when it is time to clean up your language? Not always an easy question for some adults. It could be when your mom washes out your mouth with soap. It could be when you get in trouble by a teacher. It could be when you decide to have kids. For my husband... It is when my children used bad language in the correct context.

Here is some important information to the set-up of the story:

My son at the time is 4 years old.

• My daughter was only 2 years old.
• It is a Sunday morning.
• I, the non morning person, was asleep.
• My husband, tired from staying out late with some of his friends, is currently awake with the kids.
• My kids call Chex cereal the "square kind". Not to be confused with "round kind" which is Kix.
  

Daughter: Dad I am hungry.

Dad: Alright, I will get you some cereal.

This is when my husband goes and gets some cereal and pours it for our poor starving children. He adds the milk, and gets their drinks ready. Then he puts the bowls in front of my children at the table. Remember he is REALLY tired.

Daughter: (looks at cereal in disgust) I wanted the God damned square kind.

Dad: (looks at daughter in a startled manner)

Son: Yeah dad, and shut the fucking curtains!

So my husband got the God damned square kind and he shut the fucking curtains.

What else could he do? Then he came and woke me up to take care of them. He had enough for one morning. He later told me that was when he realized then that he needed to watch what he said.

I swear this story is true.

Since then we have taught our children that potty language is only acceptable in "the potty." Makes for interesting dinners when one of our children really wants to say something bad. The get up from dinner and go in the bathroom and shout bad words like "poop, shut up, and stupid." Doesn't get rid of the fact that you still hear it, but at least you know they are learning when to use it. LOL.

I think my nose is broke...

Ouch.

Ouch Ouch...

I am in pain.

Last night I started to toss and turn. I woke up realizing I had to go pee. I slowly start to sit up when my husbands arm came slamming into my face. Not sure if it was his elbow. Could have been anything. I really have no clue.

It was dark... I couldn't see.

I was in a lot of pain... I couldn't see.

See where I am going here?

I sat there for a bit thinking it was going to start to pour blood. Nope.

I finally went to the bathroom and couldn't see anything. I didn't want to touch my nose. It hurt.

During this entire time my husband is apologizing profusely. He was asleep when it happened, but when he whacked my face it woke him up quickly.

Today my face hurts from the top of my eyes, to my lips, and across both cheeks. Maybe my nose isn't broken, maybe it is just bruised. ???

When I was young a doctor had to cauterize my nose because of constant nosebleeds. I haven't had one since. I also do not have black eyes. Has anyone had something similar? I feel like a wimp.

Lets Go Jazz!!!

The Utah Jazz...

I am sooo proud of them tonight. My mom, my daughter and I went to their playoff game tonight.

They are now 3-3.

I am now poor.

• 1 hot dog to share
• 1 nacho to share
• one apple juice for a little girl
• three "adult" apple juices for me (don't tell my mom she wasn't sitting by me and doesn't know)
• two kid ice creams

I just hope they win on Saturday.

Why having a homebased business is NOT always a good idea.

My hair is currently pulled up in a knot. Not an attractive one I might add.

I am wearing a tank top and sweats.

I have makeup smeared across my face.

I am drinking coffee.

I just finished running around the block.

My doorbell rang, and it was an established realtor. He needed to ask questions about a neighboring house. Lucky me. Then he notices I have a home based business. Oddly enough, he needs someone with my skill. I look like absolute HELL and he is going to possibly hire me.

Yeah.

***On another note*** I am about to finish cleaning up the shattered glass in my 1/2 bathroom. A light fixture decided to fall off my ceiling and crash everywhere. SCARY. I have a fairly new house and this shouldn't have happened. Whomever designed this type of light should be shot.

The thingamajig that the glass screws onto is also the thingamajig that screws into the base to hold the glass up. Two things that screw??? Ok, that sounded worst that it was. /wink So by screwing in the glass you can actually be unscrewing the whole thing from the ceiling. Um... anyone else think this is a bad idea? This light was HEAVY. Anyways, the possibility for this type of accident is way more probable than I had thought possible.

Now I get to go buy:

• A replacement glass and thingamajig
• Some superglue or a welder (to get rid of this potential)
• A LOT of beer

so i purchased a domain and other random news

It is a super secret.

Secret you say?

Oh yeah... super secret.

Ok... not really. The scary stalkers seem to have removed themselves from our blog, so I will just post it here most likely when it is all up and running.

I am hoping this takes a week.

I realize it could take a year. LOL. Alright, I have better faith in myself than that, but who knows. I am actually now going to change my hosting provider for my business website too. I will actually pay less than I am currently paying, and I get to host our blog as well. Figures.

Oh, and other news... I have some new neighbors. They moved in about a month ago. Well their 13 year old son apparently has girls fighting over him. How do I know this? I found notes written to him by GIRLS! They must have dropped out of his pockets. I am going to scan these in and let you read them for fun. I haven't had that good of a laugh in a long time.