life lesson # 27
resist the urge to flip off other drivers.
you never know - the driver MIGHT be a plainclothes officer driving an undercover car.
did this actually happen to me?????
yes, it did.
i was sitting at a light, waiting for my green arrow. they recently added a second turn lane, but no one was waiting in that lane. the green arrow pops up, and i start to turn. i am in the outside lane, when all of a sudden i hear a horn honk loudly. i did what any complete bitch would do and without thinking, hung the car a nicely manicured middle finger. classy. in my defense, the car was NOT there when i started to turn and the horn honk scared the hell out of me.
so, this car wrenches over behind me and i signal to turn right about a 1/2 block from my left turn. the car follows me and flips on the old red n blues. just bitchin! it's really just my day! of ALLLLL the people in the whole world to "flick off" (my kids call it that) i choose an undercover cop.
i pull into a parking stall and wait. the dude gets out and i can see his shirt and tie...no uniform. shit. i have no idea what's going to happen next. the following is a re-enactment that may be shown on COPS on some future saturday night.
jess: you scared the hell out me!!
policeman: well, that's a new turn signal and i thought you were cutting it a bit close.
j: i apologize for my ladylike actions. you just scared me and that was a natural reflex. (insert lots of way too loud nervous donkey laughter)
p: i pulled you over because you have a broken windshield.
j: yeah, i know. i can't afford to fix it. (thinking yeah RIGHT. you pulled me over cuz i FLICKED YOU OFF!!!) /more loud donkey laughing. listen, i AM really sorry about the bird.
p: that isn't the first time i've been flipped off and i highly suspect it will not be the last.
j: well i am sorry all the same.../coupled with even MORE donkey laughing. eff, could i just GET OVER IT ALREADY??
p: look into getting that windshield replaced and have a good evening.
j: thanks!
make NO mistake - i am blaming this entire episode on Qwest!!! the ONLY reason i was in that damn neighborhood was to take that fucking modem that i never ordered back to the effing UPS store.
you never know - the driver MIGHT be a plainclothes officer driving an undercover car.
did this actually happen to me?????
yes, it did.
i was sitting at a light, waiting for my green arrow. they recently added a second turn lane, but no one was waiting in that lane. the green arrow pops up, and i start to turn. i am in the outside lane, when all of a sudden i hear a horn honk loudly. i did what any complete bitch would do and without thinking, hung the car a nicely manicured middle finger. classy. in my defense, the car was NOT there when i started to turn and the horn honk scared the hell out of me.
so, this car wrenches over behind me and i signal to turn right about a 1/2 block from my left turn. the car follows me and flips on the old red n blues. just bitchin! it's really just my day! of ALLLLL the people in the whole world to "flick off" (my kids call it that) i choose an undercover cop.
i pull into a parking stall and wait. the dude gets out and i can see his shirt and tie...no uniform. shit. i have no idea what's going to happen next. the following is a re-enactment that may be shown on COPS on some future saturday night.
jess: you scared the hell out me!!
policeman: well, that's a new turn signal and i thought you were cutting it a bit close.
j: i apologize for my ladylike actions. you just scared me and that was a natural reflex. (insert lots of way too loud nervous donkey laughter)
p: i pulled you over because you have a broken windshield.
j: yeah, i know. i can't afford to fix it. (thinking yeah RIGHT. you pulled me over cuz i FLICKED YOU OFF!!!) /more loud donkey laughing. listen, i AM really sorry about the bird.
p: that isn't the first time i've been flipped off and i highly suspect it will not be the last.
j: well i am sorry all the same.../coupled with even MORE donkey laughing. eff, could i just GET OVER IT ALREADY??
p: look into getting that windshield replaced and have a good evening.
j: thanks!
make NO mistake - i am blaming this entire episode on Qwest!!! the ONLY reason i was in that damn neighborhood was to take that fucking modem that i never ordered back to the effing UPS store.
eloquently composed by jess at 9:50 PM
3 Comments:
lmao... seriously I think all the world's ills should now be blamed on qwest. Damn you qwest I have a hangnail!
Damn you, Qwest. You made my pants fall down on the treadmill.
P.S.
I think I demand a presentation of the donkey laugh when I see you next.
You should have done it at lunch.
you are such a lady! i think i could almost hear the donkey laugh as i read this... oh, and damn you qwest!
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