My dreams have been shattered!

You know when you are little... you know the dreams you have... well one of my dreams has just been shattered.

I can no longer be a Barker Babe.

/sobs

/cries

Today was the final filming of the Price is Right. I am totally bummed out right now. Bob Barker is one of my heroes. Not only can he tell you to "Come On Down" but he can also take a kiss from some of the most freakish fans. If you have ever seen the show you would totally understand.

I am just mad I never made it to be in his studio audience.

I am also mad I do not live in California. Increased cost of living and all. I really want the nice warm weather that is typical MOST of the year. Should I mention it SNOWED in our mountains today. Yes... SNOW!!!!!!!!!!

So to all my friends and family, I would ask that you respect my need to mourn the end of Bob Barker's reign over the Price is Right. /sigh I guess they are replacing him with someone in the fall. (stomps around room)

Anyone up for Plinko?

P.S. Make sure you get your pets spayed or neutered.

this just in...

geeky i am. officially, that is.

i just got my first-ever bluetooth headset.

now i know why the geeks who own them wear them everywhere. it's just the coolest effing thing EVER. i can make calls with voice activation! the following was a REAL conversation with my phone:

me: /push bluetooth headset button
...cool booping noise here...
bluetooth: say a command.
me: call
bt: say a name or number.
me: bridge
bt: did you say "bridge?"
me: yes
bt: calling... more cool booping noises....

all this withOUT using my phone. without pushing any phone buttons!! it's a festivus miracle!!

latest guilty pleasure: the bachelor. i am not sure which is worse, the fact that i love watching this trainwreck of a show, or that women actually GO on this show and make complete asses of themselves, despite being beautiful and educated. let's not forget the actual bachelor...!! what a lucky dude, making out with, like, 8 or 9 hot ladies, telling them ALL they are "still in the running" and they BUY IT. omg. OMG!!!!!

**edit** the bachelor just ended...and andy had to make his choice. i won't give away the ending (LOL) but these girls made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. "i can't believe he dumped me!!" SOB SOB SOB. truly, truly, great stuff.

that's me. laughing at other's heartbreak. oops...gotta go. i see karma coming around the corner. gotta head it off at the pass...

and now for something we hope you'll REALLY like...

**edit** i was multi-tasking while i wrote this... i realized that, in re-reading it, that i could have done a much better job organizing my thoughts and expounding a bit in places. oh well, i am not changing it now. it's done. published. finito. i'll save it for a later post.

today i wanna share my two cents on some recent news happenings. i often feel i post too much about pop culture, but that is my secret obsession. also, for several thousand reasons, i don't want to be toooo personal in such a public venue.

i am a libertarian. i am pro choice, but i would never have an abortion. i think marijuana should be legal, but i probably wouldn't smoke it. often. i believe that the things that don imus said, while incredibly stupid, racist and downright idiotic, are protected by our Constitution. they also aren't any stupider than some of the really stupid things jesse jackson and al sharpton have said. i believe in the right to bear arms. but i don't think you should own a machine gun, take your gun to church, or keep loaded weapons in a house with children. i think the democrats who keep preaching about reducing energy costs (like john kerry) should shut their big fat mouths and sell all but ONE of their houses. i believe in global warming, but i am not sure i believe it's 100% attributed to man. mars is warming up, too. and last time we checked, no one lives there. i don't like george bush at all, but i don't want to be president, so i don't complain too loudly. i also absolutely detest nancy pelosi.

most politicians suck.

i believe that most people want to be good, but i believe that everyone lies to save their own ass. or to save someone else's feelings. and i don't believe there is anything wrong with that. i believe that i am a moral, ethical person, even though i don't go to church. i believe the shootings in VA are a tragedy...an eye opener...and i feel very sad for all the families, friends, staff, faculty and students at V Tech.

i'll stop there. a moment of peace for peace.

off da grid

it's been a busy weekend. first, both of my kids played soccer saturday morning. my son scored two goals and kicked so much butt at his game. my daughter scored 4 goals and our team won 18-1. Yeah, that isn't a typo. Our team: 18 goals. Their team: One. My kids rucking FAWK.

then, i drove my kids about 1.5 hours away so they could spend some time with their grandma...my ex-husband's mom. after paul and i dropped them off, we went car shopping (still no purchase...he wants a mazda 6, i want a honda pilot or a yukon/tahoe). then we went to super target, cuz there isn't one in cache valley.

did i miss a memo? apparently yesterday was national idiot day. everywhere we went, we were surrounded.

after we went shopping, we went go-karting, which was so much fun! then we played miniature golf. i lost, of course, and i was totally pissed about it. friday afternoon i went out and played my first round of golf for 2007. my arms and my back are still killing me today. i shot 72 for nine holes. for those of you who don't play golf, 72 is a totally shitty score. paul shot a 36, if that puts it in perspective at all.

for dinner we ate a le nonnne! i finally got paul to roll to a nice restaurant! i had the most delicious spinach ravioli in a butter sage sauce....and tons of ciabatta with pesto. i left very happy.

today i went back to pick up my kids...and i stopped off at ross to shop before i left. i got tons of great new clothes and the most awesome puma shoes i have been wanting for a year now!!

on another note, i came to the realization this weekend that i am addicted to food. i have a problem. i have even considered making myself puke more than once over the last week. the only thing that has saved me is that i hate to puke (NO disrespect to people with eating disorders) AND i think that is just so f*cked up to do that. so. back on a diet and i am joining the gym tomorrow. something has to change.

now...tomorrow, thanks to bridgy's mom, my whole family is going to a jazz game. the kids are soooo excited. i think it's going to be hell. i'm sure i'll keep you posted.

p.s. al and bridge. love you gals. we haven't talked much lately.

gotta go...the sopranos is on.

Live! from the home office in Butt, MT

heh heh..heh...heh...

this is going to be a post of confessions.

first...yes, i like beavis and butthead. they remind me of my teenage years and watching tv in al's basement. the show itself...NOT that great. but those commentaries on the videos? hilarious. some of those videos would have never been seen by the general public if not for b & b. beavis and butthead, i salute you.

for the record, i DID quit smoking. however, i cheat. i think me quitting smoking forever is a little bit like you giving up sex forever. it isn't an every day thing and i can handle it. am i weak? yeah, probably, but it's one of my vices. take it or leave it.

i like mcdonalds. get over it. the latest craze: the jr. mac. order a double cheeseburger off the dollar menu, have them hold the ketchup and mustard but add big mac sauce and lettuce. trust me, it's the bomb. does it line up with my diet? hell no. that is why i eat at mcdonald's like once a month or LESS.

i bought three boxes of samoas and i justified it for a couple of reasons: one....a woman i work with was selling them so i wanted to help her out, two...it helps the girl scouts, right? and last, but CERTAINLY not least... I. Love. These. Cookies. omg i could literally eat a whole box. i shared the first box with co-workers, gave a box to my man (they are his fave, too) and kept a box just for me. i haven't opened them. yet. not sure i dare.

i like to speed when i drive. i made it to butte today in 4.5 hours. google maps said it would take 5.5. hahahah. drive fast, take chances....right? right?!??!??!

i'm here in butte on business. i am a homebody and don't sleep well on the road, so i am not thrilled to be here. but i can't lie. being a single mom is rough and even though i am working, this is a vacation from them and all the responsibilities of home...dishes, laundry, pets, etc. etc. etc. i feel bad for even thinking that... i am going to go get a pedicure tomorrow night.

just a note of interest: i am certain 2-3 small elephants are staying in the room above mine. luuuucky me.

this brings me to my last little confession. i listen to dr. laura. i like her. i agree with her some of the time and sometimes i just think she's totally nuts. sometimes i also think she is clueless...like she totally misses the caller's point. but...the most articulate people don't always phone in, either. a caller on her show today reduced me to tears, however. a father of two boys, 7 and 5...wanted to know when and if he and his terminally-ill wife should tell the boys she is going to die. she has cancer...a kind there is no cure for (he never said what kind) and although the boys know she is sick, they don't know she has cancer and they don't know she is dying. this man never broke down. his voice never wavered. he just wanted to know how to help his boys. he didn't want them to be scared. his strength was amazing. dr. laura suggested they tell the boys together and then make some videotapes and suggested some other things. she said it wasn't just for the boys, but it was for this man, too. he said thanks...and she said, "i mean that. it's for you, too." he said, "i understand..."

and i just cried. cancer sucks and has hit a little too close to home for me. plus those boys are the same age as my kids. and the thought of my own kids having to grow up without a mommy made me very, very sad.

and homesick. i can't wait to get back home. those kids i needed a break from??? i miss them so much it hurts.

p.s. no more heroes until april 23??? wtf??????

the tooth fairy fuggs it up... AGAIN?!

yeah. can you even believe it's possible?

well it IS, i assure you.

so...rewind to this morning. well... let's go all the way back to last night for full effect. the kids go to bed. we carefully tuck the tooth under my daughter's pillow.i nicely remind them to fall asleep soon...it's getting late, etc. blah blah blah - several times. finally i resort to yelling and death threats. kidding!!

this is the second tooth she has lost and this is definitely a big deal for her. so, i think to myself, "jess...do NOT forget about the tooth fairy."

so i am talking to al (who i should add i totally blame for this) and kinda watching lost at the same time. somewhere here i popped a tylenol pm (thanks bridge for getting me addicted to nighttime sleep aids). so...then criminal minds comes on...and i wrap up my conversation with al and sack out for the night.

fast forward about 8 hours. i am in the bathroom brushing my teeth and my baby comes in. holding her tooth.

"mommy? the tooth fairy forgot to come!!!"

yeah. i suck ten miles of @$$.

in my defense i think i had a rather good comeback. i told her she had stayed up too late and the toothfairy had stopped by when she was awake and didn't have time to get back around to her before the sun came up.

in retrospect... i have probably ruined my child by lying to her.

needless to say, the tooth fairy visited tonight. and she paid interest for her late payment.