New scale
because I am single and have LOADS of time on my hands I have spent a lot of time thinking about how to determine whether a man is, in Elaine's words, "Sponge-worthy." A few weeks ago a good friend and I (we'll call her T to protect her anonymity), were talking about how only non-hot guys were hitting on us and the discussion came up again last night. So I came up with a new 'dateability scale' for the rest of those sexy singles out there reading this sexy single's post.
DISCLAIMER: author is NOT responsible for the use of this scale in the general public nor for any regrets one may have after using this scale.
It breaks down like this (note: if you don't consume alcohol, this scale is NOT for you).
When you're out at a club/bar/grocery store/pawn shop/Best Buy, etc. and someone of the opposite sex begins flirting with you, you can utilize my new scale by quickly deciding how many beers you would have to drink to have sex with said person.
Let me give you an example
random guy flirting with me: "You're really intimidating. In fact, I bet you could kick my ass."
my thought process: 'Oh Earth! Not again! On a normal scale of hotness this guy is like a 2. I think I'd have to have at least 7 or 8 Miller Lite's to even contemplate letting him into my home.'
hence the gentleman in question recieves a 7.5 on the new rating scale. However, to make this more complicated, there's a good beer scale and a cheap beer scale. So the gentleman in the previous example would be 5.5 on the good beer scale because (my fav) IPA has a greater alcohol content.
If you happen to find yourself contemplating going home with a 10 or 12, think again! Friends, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET A FRIEND GO HOME WITH A PERSON WITH THIS POOR OF A RATING. If you have to go any higher than a 12 pack, the person becomes a roofie. Meaning that you would have to be completely and utterly out of your freaking mind (or completely unconscious) to go home with said person.
Be forewarned, friends and family. I will be using this scale from now on so when you ask how hot the 'new guy' is (or random guy) and I say 1- this is a good thing. This scale is gonna revolutionize the dating scene. And really make you reconsider those persons who you contemplate taking home.
DISCLAIMER: author is NOT responsible for the use of this scale in the general public nor for any regrets one may have after using this scale.
It breaks down like this (note: if you don't consume alcohol, this scale is NOT for you).
When you're out at a club/bar/grocery store/pawn shop/Best Buy, etc. and someone of the opposite sex begins flirting with you, you can utilize my new scale by quickly deciding how many beers you would have to drink to have sex with said person.
Let me give you an example
random guy flirting with me: "You're really intimidating. In fact, I bet you could kick my ass."
my thought process: 'Oh Earth! Not again! On a normal scale of hotness this guy is like a 2. I think I'd have to have at least 7 or 8 Miller Lite's to even contemplate letting him into my home.'
hence the gentleman in question recieves a 7.5 on the new rating scale. However, to make this more complicated, there's a good beer scale and a cheap beer scale. So the gentleman in the previous example would be 5.5 on the good beer scale because (my fav) IPA has a greater alcohol content.
If you happen to find yourself contemplating going home with a 10 or 12, think again! Friends, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET A FRIEND GO HOME WITH A PERSON WITH THIS POOR OF A RATING. If you have to go any higher than a 12 pack, the person becomes a roofie. Meaning that you would have to be completely and utterly out of your freaking mind (or completely unconscious) to go home with said person.
Be forewarned, friends and family. I will be using this scale from now on so when you ask how hot the 'new guy' is (or random guy) and I say 1- this is a good thing. This scale is gonna revolutionize the dating scene. And really make you reconsider those persons who you contemplate taking home.
eloquently composed by Al at 5:26 PM
3 Comments:
LMFAO. I really wonder what i would be rated by guys than... a 30 pack?
I realize that a 30 pack is bad btw... The guy would have had to have had 30 beers to go home with me. I would like to be a NO BEER girl myself.
OMG. HILARIOUS.
Your best writing to date. :)
Seriously, ROFL.
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