New Year's Resolutions: A Draft

Yeah, so I have never been one to set New Year's Resolutions. They seem like such a HUGE waste of time, I never actually DO them and then I feel like a big fat-ass failure.

How is that different than ANY other goal I have set for myself in the past? Yeah, that is totally another post. At any rate, this year I feel it is important to set some sort of guidelines/goals for the coming year. Here they are, in NO particular order:

1. Be a better mother to my kids. Listen to them, spend more time with them, read to them more often and buy them LESS stuff. I already hug them and tell them I love them on a mucho regular basis. I think they would enjoy having more quality "mom" time. I will also yell LESS. I always feel like a ogre when I yell, but sometimes it seems that is the only way they know I really am serious about them cleaning their rooms, picking up their toys, or to stop wrestling and fighting.

2. I need to lose 20 pounds. Yeah, those of you who know me will say BULLSHIT, but trust me on this one, ok?? My pants are starting not to fit and no matter WHAT you say, if I can't do the buttons up without straining, swearing and sweating, MY ASS IS GROWING TOO LARGE. Twenty pounds by April 30. That is about a pound a week, and should be EASY. I have already started exercising more. My problem isn't food....it is my sedentary lifestyle and my job which requires me to sit on my ass ALL DAY LONG.

3. Be a better person all around. Speak positively, think positively and build up others around me. Recognize the good in people and find ways to bring those qualities out. Lead through example.

4. I really want to write a book. I have NO idea what I want to write about yet, but I want to spend 2007 thinking about it. HA HA.

5. Be much more in tune with my finances. I want to buy a newer car and I need to buy a house.

I think those are a great start and probably plenty to think about for now. They are also written, published and on display for the world to see. Maybe, if you are lucky, you will get an update as to how I am doing with my 2007 Resolutions.

Happy New Year!!

why i hate santa... and why i am thankful for him.

WHY I HATE HIM

1. he didn't bring me a new car.
2. he has no budget so anything is game.
3. he brought my kids guitars this christmas.
4. once again... he brought my kids guitars this christmas. wtf was he thinking?

hahah. well christmas is finally over. i have barely survived. i need to be more like jess and shop in july so i can avoid the crowds. i could stand the crowds if all i was buying was wrapping paper and food. that would be easy. having grandmas steal things out of my shopping basket is more than i can handle though.

WHY I AM THANKFUL FOR HIM

1. he helps me get into the giving part of christmas.
2. he brought me beef jerky.
3. the fact that millions of people do charity for others at this time of year. thank you all.
4. he didn't bring my son drums along with that electric guitar. thank you santa.

this year i am thankful for many things. my friends, my family, my health, my life, and for the kindness of many strangers. i really haven't seen much kindness this holiday season, but i know it is still out there. somewhere. hiding. i have tried to help many friends this holiday season, and wish i could have helped many more. next year i will.

in conclusion... i need to stop eating holiday treats. they are going in the garbage today. i promise. all of them. i am getting ready for new years resolutions... and again, i am going to try to slim down a bit. i will later post about my new years resolutions. laugh it up... i know... but i am going to try.

merry few days after christmas to all!

i am thankful for my friends...

yes i am thankful for my friends. i am actually just thankful that i have ANY friends. my dad used to always tell me that he paid my friends to be my friends.

he didn't pay them enough.

so jess and al... how much did he pay you anyways?

at this moment i would like to thank jess and al for being my friend for a REALLY LONG TIME. jess has been my bbf for 25 going on 26 years. as i said, a REALLY LONG TIME. al has been my bbf for around 18 years. also A REALLY LONG TIME.

are you tired of me repeating myself?

too bad.

anyways, they have been there for me through everything.

thank you. i cannot say this enough.

to clarify, i am a pain in the butt as a friend. i require chit chat on the phone, lunch dates, truth of how fat my ass really is in those pants, and a shoulder to cry on. i give in return sarcasim, help when asked or needed, some truth of how fat your ass looks in those pants, and my shoulder for you to cry on too.

i should mention that i like to take blackmail photos of friends.

i should also mention that i like to put said photos on blogs.

i should then mention that although i haven't done said action yet, i might tomorrow.

be scared...

be very scared...
loralee has been my friend for quite a few years also. i met her around 8-9 years ago when she married her husband. he was a friend of my then boyfriend (now husband). she has had to put up with a lot of shit from me. like the time she decided to get drunk and pass out. i had the guys write on her with marker, then we placed a liquor bottle near her and put a cigarette in her mouth. not bad enough? i took pictures.

if you want me to post the picture you will have to ask.

nicely.

she is a very dear friend. she makes me laugh. she even cracked open my lobster for me last night. i had NO IDEA on how to do this.

now CC, as she is fondly now called, is a relatively new friend. i met her three years ago, and she really cracks me up. she is very generous, and makes you want to be too. she even called me today to offer to watch my kids so i can finish xmas shopping. no i am not finished. yes her calling is a blessing. i am so thankful she is now in my circle of friends. she even play's with lobsters. what more could i ask?

then there is miss kismet. she is a crazy cat lady and a librarian. she rocks. i gave her a calendar with 365 cats on it. yes i am nuts. she is shy and reserved, but she is fooling you. /wink. she is one of the most kind hearted people i know. she also loves ninjas. i would love to take her portrait as a ninja. hopefully she reads this post and agrees to it. haha. jess and i were talking tonight and both decreed that kismet is beautiful. hear that k? we think you are b e a u t i f u l!


there are many friends not listed on this post. i love all of you. every single one. i will think of all of you this christmas season and wish you the best.

your friend forever...

Bridge

fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra

yeah, i know dasher and dancer. personally. just ask santa claus. i had the chance to get to know rudolph, but it turns out he was really busy that day.

yes, i am a little crazy. i am high on cold medicine ( i did a line of zicam, too!) and i am on my second miller lite. i am watching the very first back to the future... and i had forgotten how entertaining it is. i also just finished wrapping almost all of my christmas gifts.

if you knew me, you would know this is quite a feat. i usually am up until about 2 or 3 a.m. on christmas morning, desperately and tiredly (is that a word? i am gonna guess no, but i feel like using it anyway) wrapping the last of my gifts. my goal this year is to have all of my gifts wrapped by dec. 21. i think i am going to make it!

as usual, i have purchased wayyy too much stuff for my kids. i shop all year for them, picking up little things here and there. while this works out great for the pocketbook...it is NOT great in november when i realize i have a small mountain of gifts. plus, i have hidden things so well at times that i FORGET I EVEN HAD THEM. how dumb is that?

i could use some hints on a gift for the future mother-in-law. i got her a poinsettia last year. would it be lame to give her one this year, too?

please excuse my wandering thoughts this evening. i hope i can kick this cold by thursday at the latest. 'tis time to jam and do another line of zicam! i hope this stuff really works!

**edit** did any of y'all notice the "'tis time to jam and do another line of zicam" line rhymes? truly poetic on a night such as this. mwah.

and i can't WAIT to see the christmas story again. in case you didn't realize, the title of this post was inspired by that movie. xoxo. love you all, faithful readers! (all 5 of you!!)

lucky number 7...

today my son turned 7 years old. 7. yes i realize i should type out the word seven, but i just refuse to do it more than once in this post. back to the point... 7. that makes me feel old. not as old as if he was turning 30, but old.

what does his turning 7 mean to me?

well 7 seems like a real boy age. 6 just seems little boy. 7 is real boy. i think that 7-12 is probably boy age. i could be full of crap, and you have permission to let me know it. what i know is after 12 you are just in deep shit because they are now a teenager. lol.

7 also means only 9 more years until i have a designated driver. i am a terrible mom. i know this.

anyways, i might post about his THREE parties later, but right now i have to go to bed. i am tired of making treasure maps, tired of getting gift bags ready, tired of cleaning, and tired of the family christmas party i was also in charge of today that went well. /snore...

oh, i got my son a skateboard. so although i am a terrible mom... i am also a great one too.

dumbest thing you ever spent money on

first off..i want to mention a cool blog i ran across: the bestest blog of all time. we are new to blogging and bobby writes about all kinds of stuff i don't even understand yet, but whatever. i especially am happy he changed the color scheme from that awful blue to what you see today!

whew. now that is out of the way...it brings me to today's topic: what is the dumbest thing you have ever spent money on? i ran across this message board from the MSN website...and i read ALL 38 pages.

yeah, i am a total timewaster. so what?? my dishes are done, so screw you.

the sad part? i have done some of these things. first dumb thing i did..was EVER apply for a credit card. now, i don't want to blame Visa, but just because a 17 yr old college freshman HAPPENS to have a 4.0 GPA, that does NOT MEAN she is smart! do NOT give her a $4000 credit limit.

that wasn't the first problem. i hadn't even entertained using that credit card until i met my boyfriend and future husband. yay me. after a series of bad financial decisions (including leasing a car, buying a house we could barely afford and treading the financial waters), we are now divorced. needless to say, my credit SUCKS ass. i still owe my parents money and i have no idea how i will ever pay them back.

as i read this board, i felt much better. there are people out there who have done much stupider things and lost a lot more money. i related to their stories.

i also finished my college degree and quit my job with a very good salary for a much lower paying job in my field. i hope it pays off in the long run...

what about you? what is the dumbest thing YOU have done financially?

holiday gift giving advice... the regift (you cheap ass!)

regifting is an art. it is an art that i hardly ever use, but it is an art. the reason i hardly ever regift is because i hardly ever get a gift that i can not use or do not like.

that being said, i also would not want my name attached to a gift that i did not love. why in gods name would i give someone i like a gift i wouldn't want to own? i know... i know... sometimes you get a gift you already have. something you like. something you use. in that case regift.

now, what if that gift was given to you by someone you like? wouldn't they feel terrible if they came over and never saw said gift? maybe. you will have to be the decision maker on this one.

STORY OF HOW REGIFTING CAN BE A DISASTER

one of my customers told me a story this week. how in 1975 she gave a sheet set to her soon to be sister-in-law for their wedding. she was young. she spent a long time shopping for this sheet set that was going to match this beautiful quilt this sister-in-law was getting for the wedding.

now to the point. last christmas this customer was regifted the sheet set she had given 30 years ago.

wtf you ask? i agree. my customer didn't know if it was an insult, or a mistake. 30 fucking years? come on. how RUDE!!! if you can't tell, i advise not to do this. ever.

SOME COMMON SENSE REGIFTING GUIDES

• do not use the gift prior to giving it. people actually do this? WTF? i read a story of how a girl got a rice cooker as a gift, only to open it and find rice still inside it. seems they didn't know how to wash dishes either. no wonder they regifted. the ONLY EXCEPTION to this rule is if a friend really loves something you own and you just hand it over. not for a bday. not for xmas. not for a wedding. unless said object happens to be artwork... like the mona lisa. it BETTER be good.
• remember who gave it to you. if not you could turn out to be a dumbass and give it back to the origional gifter. need i say more? this has happend to friends of mine.
• rewrap. rewrap. rewrap the damn gift. god knows what your friend/family will think when they accidently get a gift from your uncle robert.
• do not tell the receiver that the gift is a regift. duh. unless you want them to know what a cheap ass you are.
• homemade gifts are not to be regifted. unless you are willing to either tell someone you made it, or lie and say you bought it at a craft store... just pretend you have to friends. friend A makes you a gift. you give it to friend B. friend B knows friend A. friend A and B have a lunch and run over to friend B's house. friend A sees the gift they gave to you. friend A and B are now mad at you. see?
• finally, have good taste. some of the gifts you will get this holiday season will be regifts. there is a reason why. no one wants that gift. there is nothing wrong with donating it to charity.

anyways, i hope this helps. if you are a regifter please put a tag on the gifts to remind you in 30 years who gave you the gift so you do not give it back. deal?

Dream a little dream of me...

...or not. If only I could dream of myself in a NORMAL situation I would be happy. Instead I continue to have these totally effed up dreams that include past flings (that obviously I'm not over even though I continue to insist that I am), one of my brothers turning into a superhero (Ty, if you're reading this, it was you) and saving a bunch of people from a plane crash in San Franciso, trekking though Brazil with Brian and his son and chastizing his son for picking up half of a dead fish.

Seriously, WTF is wrong with me? I have these vivid and memorable dreams during the pre-dawn hours and always wake up wondering what the dream meant, where the eff the scenario came from and how I can make my dreams much happier. Like, say, I get some action from Matt Damon or McDreamy.

I know, I know. Most dreams don't mean anything, I understand that. And I can usually rationalize my way through where at least part of the scenario came from but sometimes (as in the Brazil dream) I'm at total loss about every little part of the dream.

I've begun to wonder if it has to do with my sleeping position. Do I dream differently when I sleep on my back vs. sleeping on my side? Does it depend on how much caffiene I had during the day or what sorts of things I ate? Or what about the book(s) I read right before hitting the hay?

The bizarre thing is that I go through these phases where I'll have many vivid and intense dreams and then, as suddenly as it started, it stops and I can no longer remember what I dreamt. I've had these phases for quite some time but I've never been able to figure out what triggers them or why they suddenly stop.

I guess I'm on the look out for a few insights here. Does anyone else have the same problem? I'd love to know or just get your feelings about why you think it happens to you.

Jess and Bridge can attest to my bizarre dreams because they have to hear all about them. Maybe I'll start writing them down as soon as I wake up and share a few with you for shits and giggles.

ah...life thru the eyes of a 5-yr-old

there are many things i would pay money to experience for a short while... only if i had the guarantee i could revert to myself after a defined period of time.

i wish i could be 5 again, just to see/feel/experience whatever it is that is going through my daughter's head. she has such a FUNNY little personality and such a great sense of humor. as long as she isn't tired, she knows when you are teasing her and is a great sport about being the butt of the joke. so, because i am a mommy and because i think everything my kids do and say is completely entertaining, i share the following little story.

some of the things she says just KILL me. today we were riding in the car and we drove by a cemetary. i know she has seen one before, but for whatever reason, she shouts out, "Look, Mom -- DEAD PEOPLE!!!" I just laughed at her. what on Earth was she thinking?

i would also like to be a man for like 2 hours. i would go camping, just so i could pee outside with complete ease; i would have sex, for obvious reasons (uh, does that make me gay??? not that there is anything wrong with that...); i would go jogging with boxers on (ha ha! what a mental picture!); i would sit on a leather seat in July to see if the boys would stick to my leg and i would steal a purse from a tough-looking old lady and hope that i get kicked in the boys. i want to see if it REALLY hurts as bad as they say it does.

lastly, i choose to be a bird for a short while. flying has got to be bad ass! ...and i would personally shit on as many of my enemies as i could. if i couldn't find them, i would eat as many diarrhea-causing berries as i could fit into my little bird belly (and still fly) and unload on their car...kind of like the seagulls did with the mormon crickets back in the 1800s (only they ate and yakked). i would eat, fly and poo... then repeat. i would do this until the car was all nasto, then i would sit on a branch and wait for them to come out and see their ride.

i know i need psychiatric help, so comment about something else, ok??

Get to know your friends... XMAS style!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate. With a shot of Bailey’s.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps ‘em.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Anything but white is GHETTO fabulous. I abhor colored lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Hell no.

5. When do you put your decorations up? When I feel like it, that is when.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Chex mix!

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child: waking up at the ass-crack o’ dawn to drag my parents out of bed. I had to make them coffee first.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I can’t remember. Who cares?

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No, that is lame.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? I didn’t get to this year. The kids did it. I usually decorate it very classically, with white lights, deep red and silver balls and sparkly thingys. (ha ha, i said BALLS)

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Both. Love it, but don’t like to drive in it or shovel it. Those things make me dread it.

12. Can you ice skate? I can do anything.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? I have lots of favorites. My mom and dad gave me a trip to NYC when I was 16. That was BITCHIN.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Watching people open the gifts I give them.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Suzanne’s pecan logs (HINT HINT)

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Opening presents... or making cookies.

17. What tops your tree? A velvet bow with long ribbons.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving? Receiving. DUH.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? O Holy Night

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM…but only the mint flavors. Fruit- flavored candy canes are WRONG. No cherry, no rootbeer, no tutti frutti. YUCK.

i am not a nut... or so "THEY" say...

so i took this personality test today. no... it didn't say i was nuts. i'll try to find a test that does, so you can all laugh it up. anyways, i guess i am extroverted and agreeable. hmmm. yeah i guess. haha. you should take the test. the next one i am goint to take will tell me how geeky i am. i am guessing.... a lot.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion.You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness.You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

evil... not naughty or nice...

so my family and i were putting up our christmas tree saturday night. normal event. stressfull. my kids go nuts when the see our decorations. they continue to break my nutcrackers and little snowmen. no biggie. they didn't invent superglue for nothing.

so we are all eating a cheese ball and crackers.

i am drinking some beer.

my son, the philosopher... decide to ask us about the advantages of being naughty or nice.

i honestly prefer my kids to be nice. duh.

my son decide to mention that he thought it would be better to be evil. not naughty. evil. the reason being that evil people get everything they want.

you sooooo know this is true.

then my daughter decided she wanted to be evil.

i was about to have a panic attack... when...

thankfully, my husband brought up the part about how although evil people get whatever they want, no one really likes them.

my son and daughter decided to be nice.

do i believe it?

no.

santa better check his list... not once... not twice... BUT THREE TIMES!

Bah Effing Humbug

if you want the turkey barley soup recipe that was posted in the sidebar, post us a comment and i will get you a copy. i dare you to try the december recipe!!

i made the most awesome cookies the other night. peanut butter cookies with caramel hershey's kisses in the middle. what a smashing success they were. my kids helped and i cannot believe these cookies turned out round.

they even washed their hands for the occasion!

and now, here's something i hope you'll really like (in my best Rocky voice!!)

i am cranky these days. i hate winter, i hate arctic weather and i hate utah right now. yes, i harbor personal dislike towards the entire STATE of utah. ( but i shall save that for another post at another time [you are sooo welcome!!] )

the inversion is creeping in and it sucks. yeah, sure i could ride the bus and do my part, but then i wouldn't get to enjoy my freezing-ass cold leather seats in my car with a heater that wheezes out a few puffs of lukewarm air when and if it feels like it. i would also have to leave for work at like 6:50 a.m. to be at the office by eight and change buses like 3 times.

first of all, i rarely make it to the office before 8:30 and being ready to go ANYWHERE outside of your home before 7 a.m. is downright unhealthy. there is no argument you can make that will convince me otherwise.

what if the house was on fire? SMART ASS. i will shoot you down like the bastard that you are.

crap. now i forgot my second point. the bottom line is i ain't ridin the bus. not now, not ever. i am going to adopt everyone else's mentality and let "someone else" take responsibility for protecting our environment. i recycle, i have started walking to the mailbox (rather than backing out of the driveway)... and i quit smoking. it's called BABY STEPS. maybe you've heard of it??

anyhow, i digress... the second point may have involved the bus not cruising through any drive-up windows where riders could purchase tasty beverages, such as a 64 oz. diet mountain dew or a 16 oz. chai. operative phrase there is "may have involved..."

and if you haven't heard of baby steps... guess what??!?? I DON'T CARE.

i TOLD you i was grouchy.