Fun Park... not so fun.

When you are a parent, you sometimes do stuff you do not want to do.

Clean snot off walls.
Wash poopy underwear. (not your own)
Give your children quarters for the silly rides in the entrances of stores. (those quarters were for slot machines damn it!)
Carry a screaming child through Wal-mart. (wishing you could spank them)

You know what I mean.

Then there is the FUN PARK.

http://www.cachevalleyfunpark.com/index.php

Yeah, it not only eats up your quarters, it eats your checkbook up too. You have to have pizza, drinks, games, toys, and EVERYTHING. I try to avoid this place. The germs alone should scare you into becoming OCD.

Anyways, I am now poor. /sigh

But I would like to wish Happy Birthday to my son's classmate that had a B-day party there tonight. My son loved it. My daughter and my checkbook did too. I on the other hand... need a drink.

a field day

alright! alright! so jess brought my usage of effect and affect into question for yesterday's post and what do you know? the c&j graduate is right (as always- i'm horrible at stuff like that). as scientists, it's nice if we know which one to use and when but honestly, we pay people to correct our usage. we know what we mean. maybe this is why many scientists have difficulty communicating with everyone else. I'll be the first to admit that we're a bit on the socially inept side of things. anyway, that's not what i wanted to talk about and i apologize for not putting a picture up. that's what happens when all your photos are stolen so maybe bridge will be nice enough to put one up (but not one of the last ones...)

today was a gorgeous day here in albuquerque and i was lucky enough to spend it in the field. sure, there was a bit of sitting around waiting to take measurements but the company was great, the scenery beautiful (if you don't count the 3 fences topped with razor wire) and the weather was phenomenal.
ok- you guessed it. i made jess and bridge promise to keep my secret but it looks like i let the cat out of the bag. i'm writing my portion of the blog from jail (hence the 3 fences with razor wire). so what if i groped a police officer during a routine traffic stop. it's not MY fault he played for the other team and wasn't flattered. that's just my luck, anyway. to get thrown in jail for fondling an officer of the law. how freaking lame is that? i guess it makes for a good story but i have to get out of jail first. otherwise, these ladies in here would rather have me fondling them.
/sigh.
if only i liked fondling ladies it would be great.
so instead, i volunteer to go out and do field work for cheap labor. it means i get to be outside away from the lusty eyes of wanton women who want to take my lesbian experience flower.
oops- gotta run. i think my 5 mintues is up and i don't want to get into trouble, or i owe the wardon some favors! not how i pictured spending my friday night.

life on the ugly side

i am thirty. and i continue to have acne. i am growing my hair out and it is butt ugly right now. thank god i get a cut and color very soon. my nose is big and i have no jawline. just a fleshy region that resembles a double chin. not only will i celebrate my 60th birthday in 30 years (math success!) but i believe i will celebrate my 60th chin as well. i hope i don't burn all my chins on those 60 wax-dipped strings on my cake.

i have nice hands and nice little wrists. everyone says i have great legs. i have beautifully painted toenails. (thanks, B! you know who you are!)

do most people feel as hideous on the outside as i do? am i normal?

moms don't shield their kids from me at the grocery store and people don't tend to jump to the other side of the sidewalk to let me pass, so i must be ok... i think i am just having an ugly day.

hopefully you can relate without thinking i have bad self esteem. i don't. my life is great and even though i might not look like i wish i did on the outside, i have lots of good stuff inside.

i'd show you, but guts are gross. ;)

author edit * * * as an afterthought, i have included a photo. the point is, i ain't ugly... just was having a bad hair day or something.

To Eat or Not To Eat?

For those of you who know me, you'll know that I'm a talk radio addict. And I mean ADDICT! I podcast various different talk radio shows from Democracy Now! to Science Friday. There's been a lot of talk, on Science Friday, Here on Earth, Living on Earth, etc. about this E. coli outbreak from spinach.
I also know that there has been talk about some of the spinach being organic, which leads to discussion about how organic foods may be more prone to bacteria, etc. I must say PHOEY! I'm not just saying this because much of the food I eat is organic but because bacteria such as E. coli do not effect only organically grown foods.
From all I've heard, the cause of the bacterial contamination, in this specific instance, is not yet known. However, there are only a few sources of E. coli. The main one of which is cattle feces (I chose to use the more technical term over jess's 'poo'). If you've ever lived anywhere where there's a dairy near some sort of water source, you know that when it rains, manure runs into the water contaminating the water with whatever sort of bacteria, parasite, etc. that is in the manure.
Because most of the produce we get in the US comes from California (and the Governator), if the irrigation water the farmers use has been contaminated by manure, the produce grown using this irrigation water also becomes contaminated. This happens regardless of whether the produce is grown by 'conventional (i.e., pesticides, herbicides)' manner or organically.
Sure you can decrease your chances of getting the bacteria by not purchasing the contaminated food. But, here's something interested I learned, the store with possible contaminated foods on their shelves are NOT required to remove those foods. The recall is totally voluntary. This is the case regardless of whether the contaminated food product is meat or plant.
You can also wash your produce, cook it, keep it refigerated or purchase it from someone locally. Buying produce and products from local sellers doesn't necessarily exempt you from getting contaminated products but you can see (if you so choose) the irrigation water being used to grow the plants. You can see manure running from the containment pond into the water source and you actually know the people growing your food. It's in their best interest to retain you as a customer (because they don't have that many). Therefore, you might actually be able to effect the way they produce their produce (hooray for the English language).
Honestly, I miss living in a place where I can grow my own food. So, I compromise by hitting the Farmer's Market every Saturday Morning and let me tell you, I get loads of awesome, freshly picked produce for cheap. I know not everyone has this option but I'll wager there are more options available to you than you think.
I'm getting off my soapbox now but just thought I'd jump in on the E. coli bandwagon and put in my 2 cents worth and maybe spread a bit of information (NOT manure!)

ps- Thanks for reading

so now i have no friends...

HAHAHA. After sending out a mass emailing to all my friends about my new blog... I realize what I posted last. Um, sorry. HAHAHA. When you signed up to be my friend I guess you didn't realize what it entailed. Now you are in for it.

The value of friendship is great. I really do appreciate ALL of my friends. Every single one of you. Yes... I am talking to YOU. (This is when everyone is confused, but I really am just talking to all of you.)

Anyways, I just wanted to apologize for being myself. Now that THAT is out of the way... I would just like to let you all know that I will NOT change. HAHA. Get that apology out of the way so I can try to offend you all again. I know I will.

/wink

Anyways, now I am going to start a contest. This is SELF PORTRAIT CHALLENGE. I guess they are supposed to go on Tuesdays... there is a site that does these, but I'll try it on a Thursday for fun. Next week I'll try a REAL one.

CRAPPY MY SPACE ANGLE SELF PORTRAIT

OBGYN'S and how to pick up chicks!

Today was... not so good of a day.

I have yet to ever wake up and say, "Golly, I am soooo glad I am going to vist the Gynecologist today! I love sitting there half naked with my feet in stirrups with a woman feeling my crotch."

Okay... Um... NO COMMENT!

My doctor is great. She is really good at putting me at ease. She sits there and just gabs the entire time. GABS. About random odd things too. Today we were talking about her personal trainer. Last time it was a family reunion. Next time it could be the Westmister Dog Show. WHO KNOWS?

At least she didn't say she wanted fish tacos for lunch.


On another note! Here is a fun picture of me, Loralee, and Chelle! This would be Loralee's car. It is a total chick magnet. As you can see.

Visit either of their blogs at:

http://loraleeslooneytunes.blogspot.com/

http://www.michellehopes.blogspot.com/

i get yelled at via email

so i go to a meeting this afternoon and when i get back to my desk i have this email from a colleague at another office who happens to supply many of our sampling instruments.
basically, he was yelling at me for some damage to an instrument. of course i feel bad but let me tell you what happened and you can make the decision for yourself.

Friday, late morning.
My job, to get depth to water from 9 wells.
Usual time spent, 2 hours (not including driving time because the site is out in BFE).
I get to the site and pull the water level indicator (wli) from my car and get everything ready to drop that baby 300 ft down the first well. What do you know, the tape does not roll down the well very easily. Being a scientist and inevitable problem solver, I check out the wli to see what the hold up is.
turns out the front cover is coming off the instrument and the only way for me to fix it is to unroll all 500 ft of tape, put the cover back on, and re-roll the tape. so, that's what i do. remember, we're talking about 500 ft of material here. i was left with a huge pile of tangled tape to re-roll.

an analogy- picture what happens to your christmas lights or an extension cord or your garden hose... you get the gist.

as i begin to re-roll and untangle the boat-load of tape, i realize that somehow the 390 ft tape is tangled with the 87 ft tape. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? needless to say, i spent 2 (that's right, two) hours untangling and re-rolling the tape. by the time i was done, I was so upset and in need of a beer that i almost couldn't see straight.

i finished tagging my wells (with an AF mind you- boy that was a poor joke) and came back to work. I sent the wli back to it's warehouse and sent the gentleman an email about the incessant beeping the wli was making. i suggested that maybe it was the batteries.
today after many emails about batteries and front covers almost off, etc. i get the yelling email.

was i in the wrong, partially. i should have told him about the front cover being off from the get go but i got the tape wound back up and mostly minus kinks. he seems to think there are too many kinks and the tape in unfixable and so the wli may be ruined. i guess it's his job to know these kinds of things. but it's also his job to send me stuff in good working condition. the screws not being tight had nothing to do with our shipping company or that i packed the wli in my trunk. it was something from him or the previous user.
thanks, now i feel better.

needed: diet mountain dew rehab

so today, before 9:00 a.m., i stop at the sinclair (yeah! the one with the big ass green dinosaur out front!) to fill up my mug with DIET MOUNTAIN DEW. now, i would have referred to this as my secret addiction, but it ain't that big of a secret. confession time: this is a 64 oz. mug. yeah... as in like 2 quarts... er.. right? ok enough about that.

tonight's topic is this: is it ever ok to re-gift something? and why or why not? PLEASE tell me your stories! send me email if you don't want to post!

so i thought i was going to make it through like 3 posts in a row without using the word "poo." it is with great regret that i cannot do it. maybe you can relate to this if you have kids. today as i was rushing through my morning get-ready-for-work routine, i noticed a pair of underwear on the bathroom floor, complete with skidmarks. my first instinct was, "ew! gross!" then the mom in me shifted into gear... "EW! GROSS!" the following conversation REALLY happened:

me: "what is THIS?!?!?"

he ducks his head and tries to suppress some embarrassed laughter. "Nothing."

me: "is that POO???"

him: "it looks like it is. but i wiped, i promise!"

SURE HE DID. I COULD TELL!

me: "with toilet paper??"

more embarrassed laughter... then in a tiny voice, "yes."

me: "mmm hmmm. next time use more toilet paper, ok? just don't clog the toilet. flush a couple times if you need to."

him: "ok, mom."

I wonder if he uses toothpaste when he brushes his teeth!! Yay kids. YAY!

Tentative blind dates and car stereos

So I finally decide to come out of my proverbial shell a bit and possibly let jess set me up with her hair guy. I kept putting her off for many reasons, one of which is the state of residence difference. Now that I gave her the possible go ahead all she does is give me a hard time. Like I don't know that I'm getting old and am still alone. Really. She's. She acts like she's known me for years. Let a girl be vulnerable for once, eh?
oh, and not to mention that she doesn't see the distance as that big of a deal. I believe her exact words were "he can cut hair anywhere."
methinks she's trying to get me hitched or at least seriously involved so she doesn't have to listen to me bitch and whine all the time (thanks, btw).
I'm just feeling a bit down in the dregs about the whole dating thing. You know how it goes when you get rejected. whatever the reason, you feel like a complete slob for awhile and inevitably your self-esteem is affected. whatev. I'm not sure if the whole thing gets harder as you get older or if I'm just taking it extra hard for some stupid reason today. mayhap it's because the only guys who have hit on me lately are not guys I would ever really consider going out with. Let's face it, I'm kind of shallow but only in the sense that I have to physically attracted to a man to date him.
which brings me to the car stereo mentioned in the title. I purchased a car stereo on Saturday and today is my big installation day. It just so happens that I bought the stereo at the same store I bought my TV (and, mind you, this is PURE coninky-dink). Well the guy who sold me my TV (broken I might add) was totally hitting on me and was not really that cute. I thought about going back in today during the wait time for stereo installation to flirt but mostly to see if I can get some free food and beer out of it.
see that guys, you only want one thing from us and, really, we only want you to buy us stuff.

one more unrelated thing- I have this problem whereby I like to save multiple drafts of some important email or blog entry so I can work on it periodically through the day. In this way I can really formulate my thoughts and speak my mind in an open and eloquent way. Well, the other day I was sending a very important email and instead of hitting save, I hit send. Oops! execpt, it's likely to happen again in the future. So if you're ever reading this and see something of the sort, you'll know I hit publish instead of save. It's my bane (although not near as destructive as Isildur's)

crabs, shamu and miller lite

add those up and you get, like, the BEST birthday ever! i mean, how many people get to see shamu on their birthday?? okay, probably A LOT, but still!!

a quick shout-out to my ex-home girl who used to live here but now lives in Denver. It was her birthday last week, too. (fellow virgos!!) she celebrated with crabs and dancing. thank goodness for Joe's Crab Shack!! YUM.

my crab experience was split up between hooters (thanks, Megan!) and a place called rockin baja lobster. i loooooooove snow crab...i just need a servant to crack it all for me so i don't have to do that myself.

i have been MIA lately. i spent the week in san diego... 75% work, 25% fun. it was 100% fun, even though i had to work for three of the days. hey, i never claimed to be good at math. ;)

so, i missed the season opener of grey's anatomy. abc has free episodes online, but apparently my DSL connection isn't fast enough, so i will probably watch it at work tomorrow on my lunch hour instead. yay.

enough fluff. while at the conference in san diego, i listened to one of the neatest speakers ever. his name was father greg boyle and he started homeboy industries in l.a. county almost 20 years ago. this is a program that helps gang members get out of their gangs, be employed and be regular contributing members of society. his overall message was about building kinship with someone and about getting a soul to recognize his (or her!) worth. rival gang members work together in his many businesses, which include a bakery, a silkscreening company and a cafe. his life has been dedicated to these people that most of society has deemed complete losers. the way he told the stories about some of these guys was profound and eye-opening.

building kinship. simple concept, right?

and the soul felt his worth. (from o holy night, i think) very important for us to all feel our worth in SOME way, every day.

xoxo. it's miller time!

Does buying furniture make you sedentary

This question has been plaguing me for quite awhile now. Mostly because I don't have any furniture and I've been thinking of buying some but I've been on the move for so long (on average, I move once every year) that the purchase of non-used furniture seems like a huge luxury to me.

Now that I've (as my mom says- which is NOT true) settled down and have a real job (thanks education!) and actually have money to spend in a somewhat frivolous manner, I can purchase furniture if'n I want. So, here's the deal. I bought a papasan (for my life, I don't know how to spell this word but I'm sure Jess will tell me in that nagging way you develop when you turn 30) chair and matching (gasp!) ottoman. Which basically means that my gordo gato and I have a nice comfortable place to sit but if I happened to have company (who am I trying to kid here) they wouldn't have anywhere comfortable to sit. Maybe that doesn't really matter because, let's face it, I don't have people over. What's the point?

Ok, Jess and Bridge, I know what you're thinking. Yes, I can read your sick and twisted little minds all the way from Albuquerque. The point of inviting someone over is so they can bring you booze (preferably beer) and then, depending on how the rest of the night progresses, you can offer them the 'spending the night' option. However, I've decided that the next time I get involved with some guy, I'm not going to play the 'spending the night' card for awhile. Jess doesn't think I can do it but to be perfectly honest, I don't want to make the same mistakes that have plagued me and my relationships in the past. So I guess we'll have to see who's right, me or Jess. I think it could probably go either way depending on the guy...

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY JESS!!!

To Jess (the picture is of the ass that needs to be spanked! 30 times! HAHAHA)

1. You always make me laugh, and I love Humor.
2. You listen to me cry. I really thank you for this.
3. You drink beer like I do.
4. You have been my best friend since I was 5 years old.
5. You visted the "cow car" with me and Al. Um... we are innocent!
6. You give me advice. If I take it now...
7. You happen to have a more potty mouth than I do. Go Sailor!
8. You make me smile.
9. You make me think twice.
10. You are a great sounding board.
11. You are very loyal.
12. You keep my secrets... THANK GOD!
13. You are smart.
14. You are a smart ass. HAHAHA.
15. You like Nascar. Why I put this on here... I don't know.
16. You are one of the only people that can tell me my ass looks fat in any pants.
17. You are outgoing.
18. You are beautiful. Even though you don't believe it.
19. You are friendly, and well liked.
20. You are my news station. No, I will not start watching the news.
21. You are a very strong woman.
22. You are a survivor.
23. You have done a great job of raising your kids on your own.
24. You never give up.
25. You keep going... even when times are hard.
26. You shop well. HAHA. This comes from someone who doesn't.
27. You make life fun for your friends.
28. You are now old. Get the walker grandma!
29. You are loved. I love ya babe!
30. I would have chose you to be my sister.


HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY YOU OLD BIOTCH!

Today I feel selfish...

After getting back from Ohio I spent some time with my kids then went to sleep. I was REALLY tired. The next morning I woke up and went and photographed a wedding. Again... the word tired comes into play here. I had a few hours before I was expected to go to a birthday party and decided to read some of my friends emails and blogs. Big mistake. Three of them made me cry.

#1 My brother-in-law Nick and his wife Jasmine have two beautiful children. Their son is now 5 years old. The finally figured out what sickness he has had from birth.

Rigid Spine Muscular Dystrophy

Not an easy illness at all. They have done such a great job with taking care of him. He is such an adorable kid.

Their daughter has it too.

After reading all the prognosis' I could do nothing but cry. Please think of them... and if you pray... pray for them too.

#2 My friend Michelle is in Zambia. She is there with Mothers without Boarders. Yesterday she watched a 2lb baby die. Yeah, this made me cry too. She is there trying to help however she can. She says everyone in Africa is either infected by aids... or is affected by aids. For whatever it is worth, I would like to thank her for going. For all the children she is helping. I do hope she stays safe. God bless you Michelle!

#3 My friend Loralee. Yesterday, two years ago she lost her little boy Mathew to SIDS. This has been especially hard on her. As you can imagine. I read her blog yesterday and I just bawled like a baby. She has a cute slideshow on there of Mathew, with her singing at the funeral as the music. I just wanted to let her know that I was thinking of her. Please send out your thoughts to her as well.

In conclusion, I feel very lucky to have the life I do. Some days I feel like I hate my life, but honestly... my life is pretty good. To all of you out there that are having hardships in life right now, my thoughts go out to you.

Bridge

Touchdown Jesus - Because we all know that Jesus loves football!

So I had a commercial photography assignment that just happened to be in Hamilton, Ohio. I flew into Dayton and met an employee from the company I was shooting for. We started driving on I-75 and were chatting about online gaming. I love to game btw, but haven't done it in years.

Anyways, back to the story. Here we are driving and I happen to look out and see this Semi Truck. This was no "ordinary" Semi Truck. This was a Driving for Jesus Semi Truck. The mud flaps had some type of Bible verse on them. Then it had "Driving for Jesus" printed on the side. Then the grill... Oh the grill was beautiful. The grill had a cross in lights on it. All I can say is... um... wow.

Just after that we happened across... (drum roll inserted here for emphasis)... Touchdown Jesus. I think the pictures can say the rest.


Oh, and funny links that explain it further. Even has a picture that shows why this is called Touchdown Jesus. Please go look. I laughed a lot.


http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/OHMONjesus.html
http://www.makecincinnatiweird.com/content/view/55/

So either the person who made this sculpture is going to hell... or Jesus loves football. You choose.

A book leads to other thought paths

So last night I finished reading The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. I hear it was made into a movie. Anyway, this book takes place in the mid 14th Century in a monestary in Northern Italy. I've read the book at least 2 times before but last night a few of the main side stories in the book really made me happy that I live during the current era but mostly they made me think.

It breaks down like this.

Big side story 1: Many monks argue about (and even kill over) whether or not Jesus laughed. I'm serious. And these arguments made me wonder why it was such a big deal during the early (i.e., post-Jesus/AD) centuries. Of course Jesus laughed. Regardless of what you believe about Jesus, we all know that he was human and one of the things that makes us humans different from all the other animals on the planet (besides our consciousness) is our ability to laugh and find humor in any and every situation.

Being able to laugh means that we are able to feel joy and find folly in our actions. Conversely, it means we are able to feel pain and empathy (which may be a more important emotion, in my humble opinion).

Big side story 2: Different monks argue over whether or not Jesus and his Apostles owned property. It all boiled down to the different Catholic factions (Franciscans, Dominicans, etc.) holding vast treasures while other factions vowed to live a life of poverty never owning a thing.

Whether or not J. and his A. owned property is not the point I was thinking about. The arguments led me to contemplate the extreme differences in today's society between the rich (or as Jess might say, uber-rich) and poor. Even within my own country. I see homeless people everyday. Many of the veterans or Native Americans. It grieves me to know that a country which claims to be great and wonderful (don't get me wrong DHS, I like it here) is unable or unwilling to step up and take care of it's population. I know my part in this folly well. I often turn my head and fail to offer up money or food to those standing on the side of the road asking for help and believe you me, I am disgusted with myself for doing so.

However, we have to find and fight the underlying cause of poverty and homelessness. Sometimes just handing out alms only enables the reciever to continue living such a life. But sometimes, those people are in need of help in forms I am unable to give, such as help with mental problems. Yet these are the social programs that are the first to be cut when the government, because of tax cuts during "war" time among other reasons, tries to decrease it's budget. As a nation, how do we continue to stand for these kinds of actions? When will the 'under-priveledged' rise up? When will the educated stand up for those less fortunate and riot against governmental policies that degrade our American civilization, as a whole? I don't know and maybe it's time for me to begin to do something about it. Unfortunately, I'll probably continue to turn my head and look the other way until someone with more cajones than myself steps up. Only then will I act. What a sad, complacent person I am.

Yo Ho... Yo Ho... A pirates life for me!

I am going to just give you some nice happy facts about pirates on happy Talk Like a Pirate day.


Walking the Plank... did pirates really make captives walk the plank? Most likely not, but apparently Bartholomew Roberts once forced some of his captives to do it. Oh, and the Pirates of the South China Sea were also fond of making their captives do this too.
It was actually easier to just "heave to". Which is just picking up the captive and throwing them overboard. Man... Pirates are MEAN!

Moses' Law was flogging. 40 lashes minus one. So, um... 39? Why in the hell not just call it 39 lashes then? Oh, I got it. Because 40 lashes would be unchristian like. Were pirates Christians? LOL.

Want to learn about pirate flags? Go to the site listed below this section. I had no idea that there were more than one Jolly Roger. Makes me want to create me own. Ar Ar... matey
http://blindkat.hegewisch.net/pirates/jolirouge.html

I couldn't belive the amount of Jolly Roger information they had.

Har, Matey!

Land ho! International Talk Like a Pirate Day it be!

Why such a day is not more publicized, this Pirate Queen knows not. If it were up to the like o' me, we'd be talkin' like this ever'day and ever'one would be understandin' each other. Personal relations would be easier and days would be fill'd with deck-swabbin' and brig cleanin' and nights spent watchin' me beauties show off their belly dancin' skills. Argh! It's makin' me wish I warn't asea.

If we had days like this everyday, think about how much fun work would be. Although, if you have to talk to clients all day and they weren't aware of the significance, it might be a bit rough to get your point across. Argh, well. I smell a find wind a blowin' and the time's acome for the Pirate Queen to depart to her cabin for the night along with a bottle o' rum and a prisoner...

a dancer i am not

i am one of the most un-graceful people ever. it is true! just ask my man how clumsy i am... he will tell you.

i can't walk without stubbing my toe on something. usually it is the little tiny toe, too... you know, the one that hurts the worst? what are toes really for anyway?? were they added as a cruel afterthought by our creator as a way to keep us in check? you know...i killed a spider, so that is why i stubbed my toe? karma!

in a completely UNrelated story, i celebrate turning 3 decades old this week. i guess i always knew this day would come, but does it have to be so soon? the kicker here is i still feel so young. i even think i look young! until i see young people. then i realize i don't look so young.

i think i am young, therefore i am!

so now I am a belly dancer...

I went to my first belly dancing class tonight. Why you might ask? Well I had the misfortune of running into my past employee Desiree today while working out. She just happened to mention that it was the first night of class tonight. (This is where I suddenly thought it was a good idea to go.) So... I talk to my husband. Yeah, he approved. What guy in his right mind wouldn't approve to his wife taking belly dancing classes. This is equivalent to Jenna Jameson suddenly stopping by and offering to teach me how to be a porn star. Of course he said yes. Well, I went. I might be a tad sore tomorrow. Just... a lot.

Anyways, I went online and did a survey to celebrate this event. What would my exotic dancer name be....

/drumroll...
/drumroll gets louder...

Diva

Yep, that is me.

I am a fucking DIVA.

HAHAHA.

Exotic Dancer Name Is...

Diva

Exotic'>http://www.blogthings.com/exoticdancernamegenerator/">Exotic Dancer Name Generator

The Victoria Secret Catalog... oh my!

So the other day I was cleaning out my sons room. I typically try to have him clean it up, but I was in a hurry. I moved his toy box... and... wow! Heidi Klum sure is hot. What else can I say? Nothing really. Underwear ads. They have to learn about sex from somewhere.

Could it be Satan? Hm?

one explanation for a broken toilet

cast of characters:
jess (played by me)
janitor guy/software developer (nameless to protect his identity) a.k.a JGSD
POS toilet

first off, i did not CLOG the toilet, i merely BROKE it. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!! i was NOT under any kind of colonic or gastric distress. why am i so defensive??

so, i am in the bathroom, right? of course i was! where ELSE do you find toilets?? anyway, i stand up, i zip, i flush the toilet like 290 million other americans do approximately 7 times a day. but this was no ordinary flush. the handle broke off in my hand. snapped like a twig. so i am like...aw... $@#!

i slink back to my cube. yeah, i have a cubicle. yay me. that will be another post.

this next part took place on IM:

jess: uh, hi JGSD. i, uh, broke one of the toilets. you might want to fix that soon. just the handle broke off.
JGSD: oh hi jess. no problem. i picked up a couple of handles yesterday.
jess: wow. you must be psychic.
JGSD: nah... you aren't the first one to break one. i need to have some on hand.
jess: sweet. glad to hear you are prepared.
JGSD: i'll get it fixed right away. do i uh, need to wait a few minutes? j/k lol
jess: uh, negative ghost rider. all clear.

why is bathroom humor so funny? probably because no matter who you are, no matter where you live, what kind of car you drive, how much money you make, you HAVE to go potty. JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! kinda erases all the social, economic, racial, whatever kind of lines there are. poop and pee can do that like nothing else can, i guess.

glad i got that all cleared up. thanks A LOT bridge. i had set this personal goal to not use "poop" or "pee" in my next 17 posts. and i didn't even make it through ONE.

I can't compare to Jack Handy

So today, as I was driving in my non-radioed car, I was thinking. That's it, I was thinking.

When I started typing this (a few moments ago) I knew where the thought was going, now I'm not so sure. You see, I've lost my train of thought. It happens more often than I'd like and sometimes during the most inconvenient times. Then I just end up feeling like a complete fool because I have to admit that I've lost my train of thought. I really hate that. It makes me kinda mad and if you know me you know why. It means a loss of control. Not that I'm a control freak but I just hate that moment when you realize that what you were thinking is gone. Poof! Just like that! It makes me wonder why I spent so much time and money on an education...

Right! I just remembered what I was thinking as I was driving along. (If you've never tried driving without a radio, give it a shot. I used to solve all the world's problems that way.)

I saw this large (as in tall and stocky) man, alone, in his Yukon/Tahoe/Suburban/etc. and I began to wonder why it is that guys feel they must drive large vehicles.

• Is it because you think women dig it (and maybe lots of them do, but this is NOT one of them)?
• Is it because it makes you feel powerful?
• Is it some way to show off your monetary worth by showing us how you can make astronomically large vehicle payments? (Note to reader: I'm skipping over the usual "compensation for small penis" thing but feel free to ponder that on your own).

I'm at a total loss here. I can understand if you have a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend and 3-7 kids to cart around. A suburban makes absolute sense in that scenario. However, if it's just you, it seems to me your wasting vast amounts of money, space, money and non-renewable resources.

Now, I'm not going to go on an environmental rampage (gasp!) but I just don't understand the trend in today's American society towards bigger and bigger things. This means houses, cars, megastores, airplanes, etc.
Why in the world do you need a 10,000 square foot house for less than 10 people? It makes absolutely no sense to me. Maybe that's because I was raised in a small town (and not like 10,000 people small, we're talking like less than 1,000 people small. Don't worry. Bridge's hometown has like 50 so Jess and I are up on her there) and so big things scare me (not all big things.... just some of them. And while I'm on the subject gentlemen, there is such a thing as TOO big- FYI). Or maybe I just don't see the point in spending my hard earned (or sitting in front of the computer earned) cash on gasoline and $500 car payment, not to mention insurance. Nope, I'd rather save that scrilla and use it to go to the Packers-Vikings game in December, or go hike Mt. Kiluea or hike to Machu Pichu.

On an entirely different subject...
Listen (or to be more correct, read), if you don't start leaving comments then maybe this whole thing is worthless. Otherwise it's just me, Jess and Bridge spewing the same ol' shit to each other that we usually do. So we really need some feedback here. You think we're crazy? Well so do we but it would be nice to know others felt that way, too.

Gracias y hasta manana

some days you shouldn't post...

Today I am having a terrible day.

It doesn't really rate up there with Al's "some days are better than others". Having your apartment/house broke into. Having all your important "legal" documents stolen so they can also steal your identity. Having your TV, Computer, Razr, and CD's stolen. Then to top it off... Having your car stolen. Nope. That would be a 10. I definitely don't rate up to that.

It also doesn't rate up to Jess's "I just broke a toilet at work today". But after mentioning this it might. She might come and kill me and then my terrible day will even rate higher than Al's. It is all about being number 1 babe. HAHAHA. Please explain this anyways Jess. I am SURE everyone now wants to hear the story. I don't even know what to rate this. LOL.

It really isn't anything. It is just a terrible day. Maybe I am getting sick. Maybe I am going mental. Probably the former more than the prior. Maybe. Who knows. I am just bitchy. Really bitchy. For those of you that know me, it isn't any different than any other day. I really just want to do something bad. Hmmmm. I really don't know what I could do though. LOL. Sing along in the car? I am really bad at that. TRUST ME.

Here is a good thing I did today. I ran... Yes I RAN. I also lifted weights. Here I am mentioning this so I will keep doing it. I really want to get into super shape. Now what does running mean to me? Well first of all. I hate it. REALLY hate it. I have never been a runner. I know people that run for fun. I think they are nuts. They have to be... Come on... It's RUNNING. Run is a four letter word to me. Maybe I'll just spell it different. Today I had a brisk "runn". Hmmm. I think I'll keep that up. ROFL.

BTW... I would like to thank our 9 visitors today! I really would love to know who you are. Please post a comment at some point so we know. In a few days I'll be email blasting all my friends about this blog. Then I won't have any more friends.

I am still working with code and trying to figure everything out. If you notice any bugs... Let me know.

Thank you for reading!

Bon nuit!
Bridge

another day, another 2 cents (it's what you signed up for isn't it?)

You know when you meet that person and share a moment? Then comes the hour long, getting-to-know-you phone call filled with small flirtations because, let's be honest, you're not yet sure what you think of that person.

Phone call ends, you hang up and spend at least the next 15 mintues reminiscing about how funny you were and how you think that someone is kinda cool. Soon you realize you can't remember what that someone looks like.

'that's ok' you think, I remember that s/he was pretty freaking cool and we had some good conversation.

You mention it to your friends and try to pass it off as unimportant and pretend that you could care less what the other person thinks of you. Even though they've seen fit to shower you with (not) new and (definately not) improved "compliments" that you've heard a million times before.

Then, the vital moment comes and you make plans to hang out. Maybe you put on clean clothes or take a shower to look extra fresh, or if you're like me, you pull on a pair of pants that have already been worn 3 times since they've been washed, put your hair in a pony tail and down a few beers. (This is why I get so much shit from Jess and Bridge, cuz I don't f' ing care about how i look). However you dress to impress, you do so on the off chance that your meeting with this possible LTR goes well. All this time, you still can't remember what s/he looks like.

So, you meet and get the required pleantries out of the way. All the while thinking to yourself

'what in the F was i thinking? how did I let myself get roped into this? i definately don't remember him/her looking like this. i really thought s/he was much better looking, or at least somewhat attractive or else why would i have been prompted to give out my number.'

but you've made plans to hang out and doggonit you're going to stick to your guns (you don't want any nasty rumors spread about you because you just got up and walked away while yelling "I don't think so!").

So, you play nice but deflect all passes s/he is making at you and try to send the "i'm not really as interested as i originally thought" signals.

Finally the visit is over and you sigh with a sense of relief you haven't felt since you passed Calculus. All the while you hope that they'll never call again.

Yeah, that's always fun.

service packs for people

so today i was in a meeting and i had a thought...

what if there were service packs for people? we could plug in our brain at night and it would download while we slept. you want to quit smoking, lose 50 pounds, learn to read? well F N A do i have a solution for you!!! SERVICE PACKS for people!

imagine the possibilities!

i ran this past a co-worker and he reminded me that every time you install a service pack, it screws something else up. /sigh. so.. you quit smoking, but you start to lose your hearing. or you drop that 50 pounds, but all of a sudden you have an insane craving to eat dog poo every saturday night at 9:13...or every time you hear a barry manilow song. yay! just as you celebrate your literacy, you find your bowels are completely uncontrollable... at the worst moment ever. like when your in-laws are over... or when you are in a meeting with your boss.

you get my point.

wouldn't this be a great prank to play on people you hate? or even people you love? like your man... you could hack into his service pack and "program" him. program your kids to talk back less and clean their rooms more! program your boss right before your annual review! program your parents before christmas! (dear mom... your daughter really really needs an iPod) program that skinny successful bitch you know to gain weight, grow some big-ass zits and lose her cash cow job.

well, this idea started out with the best of intentions... and you can see that my cynicism and dark side have taken over. i could use a new service pack, me thinks...

i still think it was a good idea.

A mediocre end to a almost good day

This font is just for Jess (boring my right eye!).

Today, I am extremely upset with people who don't fully disclose the previous problems (i.e., salvage title) with potential buyers. Currently, in my book, they are as bad as those disrespectful thieves. While my car was found, minus floormats and laundry detergent, it seems I'm getting shafted by the insurance company. Stupid salvage title. I don't even know if I can trade it in (methinks not). So once again I am faced with a moral and monetary dilemma. We'll see, we'll see.

For now, I think I'd better go running or do some other form of exercise to vent this immense frustration I'm currently feeling. Why do bad things happen to good people? I have spent quite a bit of time lately in deep thought about this question and have yet to come up with an answer. Maybe we should think about going back to a mideval form of crime punishment. How many peopel would steal if they knew they would loose a hand?

On second thought, maybe in today's society (especially the American one) the loss of a hand wouldn't be much of a deterant. Most states have the death penalty and yet people still commit crimes worthy of them being sentanced to death. Hum, I think this line of thought could go on for quite awhile so I think I'll stop and let you, the reader, ponder.

I'm going to get a drink. I've had ENOUGH! screw running, screw my insurance company, screw the bastards who stole my stuff, screw the people who bought my stuff, screw the guy who sold me the car without telling me (if he even knew) that the title wasn't clean, screw my landlady who keeps trying to place some of the blame on me for the auto theft and home burglary! I'm getting drunk, maybe not the raging drunk that this whole rant implies. Nope, I'll save that one for this weekend when I don't have to get up for work the next morning. Ah, now I have something to look forward to this coming weekend. Now if only I had football....


I must say that I really like and appriciate all the work Bridge has done to make this blog look even cooler than it did all black. Those abstract (kindof) pictures of us as the title banner really make it grand. Plus, and I could do this if I wanted to, all the code writing that she has done.

sleep... i need sleep...

up goes the new title bar...

changes through the text have been made...

sleep has been deprived...

hope you like it!

Oh, what colors should we use for our blog? Right now I think there are too many. I don't even care what the main title color is.

random. random. random.

avoiding memorializing today... i am...

there will be no mention of some of the more OBVIOUS things we could be discussing today. OOPS... did i already blow it by mentioning it? i guess i could offer up the proverbial moment of silence for everyone who was affected by events that happened five long years ago. this was, in a way, my generation's JFK shooting... you know where you were, what you were doing, etc. when you first got the news. i have two other moments like this... when the Challenger blew up in 1986...

and the day my dad called to tell me that my mom had breast cancer.

i know everyone has moments like this in their life... mental snapshots that don't (or won't) go away.

to lighten this up a bit, i will tell you this happens at least once a week when i look in the mirror. i think... GO AWAY... and i wish i had a different face. but the fact is, i don't. and i never will. so i have learned to love the face that i have, complete with all of the imperfections that go along with it. (and believe me, there are PLENTY!)

we ladies go through a lot to act, feel and BE beautiful... when in reality, we only really need to just BE. the rest follows.

/sigh. wish i was good at taking my own advice.

Just another Manic Monday

In memory of my missing pink razr (which I'll get back when I am able to purchase new stuff with renter's insurance- YIPEE I got the forms to fill out today, what a joyous occasion).

The cosmos have begun to make up for all of the crap that has happened in my life lately. What great and wonderous thing happened, you say

The Cowboys lost yesterday! Sure, the Packers got their asses handed to them on a Solider Field platter but I can handle such a loss when the Cowboys also lose. The big problem is that I no longer have a TV to watch football. ARGH! I'm writhing in pain. However, I just found out the Broncos also lost so my day is slowly getting better.

On a serious note, the things that have disrupted my life lately are by no means near the disruption nor as painful as those that our president sees fit to bring up every chance he gets. While I severely dislike our current president and his administration, he did have the distinction of being in charge when many citizens of the US and other countries were brutally killed in what can only be called a vicious attack. Remembering such events really puts the woes in my life in perspective and makes them, well, meaningless. My own form of prayer has been issued today for those who had loved ones perish, with it my wish that they can continue to survive daily and hopefully the pain will subside at some point.

If only our county could pull together as we did at the end of 2001, think what feats we could accomplish.
-Erradication of homelessness... you bet!
-Cleaning up our environmental messes to the benefit of buisnesses and laypeople alike...as quick as you can read it!
-Welfare reform, the jobless rate, cleaning up natural disaster areas (even if I do think this may not always be the best idea), cleaning up the prison system...

You get my point. As Americans (myself included) we have gotten so complacent about our surroundings. We are too caught up in our own lives to realize that we CAN do something that will help someone immensely. Sure it's difficult and time consuming but think (if you believe in heaven), you'll get bonus points in heaven, (if you don't believe in heaven) you get immediate satisfaction and gratification. Sometimes, this can be done with a smile and a "hello." I know those menial things have greatly helped me out on days when things were looking down.

I'm getting off my soapbox and going home. This time (and for awhile, yet) I'm getting my exercise by riding my bike home. Hopefully I won't get caught in a deluge like I did on Friday...

peace out!

Because I know Al loves pink...

So I have been messing around with the template. Get over it. HAHA. I am just trying to figure out how to put a picture behind the title. I will figure it out. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not ever... but I will figure it out.

For now... Al gets a nice pink title to go with her missing pink Razr.

May it stop working for whomever has it now.

Some days are definately better than others

so, i wake up this morning (ass-early I might add) and what's the first thing I notice? Go on, guess...
Give up?
The same jerks who ripped my heart out last week by burglarizing my home held the organ in front of me, taunting me, until they took a bite out of it and then set it aflame. What exactly am I talking about here? They decided that they didn't have enough of my hard earned (and paid for) stuff that they thought they'd suppliment their stash of Al stuff with my vehicle. Seriously.
If anyone reading this has ever stolen something from somebody and not had to return it and grovel for forgiveness, I am currently putting a pox on your home.
It only takes one time, two tops, for you to have to go through the absolute and complete embarrassement of return and apologize and (I guess you have to have some morality as well) I doubt you'll ever have the ability to disrespect someone again by taking their things without asking. Now, I'm not talking about borrowing your roommate's shirt or your brother's cd. I'm talking about willful violation of the law.
Jess and Brigde seem to think this is a sign from the cosmos that I should move back to Utah (over my dead freaking body I tell them) because I shouldn't be here in wonderful, lovely, grounding Albuquerque. I beg to differ. I think it's a bunch of big, fat, dumb jerks who happen to have a problem with some sort of addictive substance and have to suppliment their welfare income by taking things that they don't actually own. They suck! Yeah, yeah, they suck!
Also, if any guy is reading this and can answer this question I'm about to pose please let me know. Why is it that guys think that just because a girl is wearing a tight shirt (for jogging purposes) that they can hit on her? Last night as I was walking home from my 2.5 mile jog I had two young guys ask if I wanted a ride home (how dumb do they think I am?) THEN I had an old dude, with a group of young guys, try to hit on me by asking personal questions about my jog and where I lived. I swear! If you guys really expect chicks to answer that (oh, I'm sure some do but I have to assume that most educated women- i.e., the 3 evil monkeys- would laugh in the face of such idiots) you're dumber than I thought. Don't take offense but it's extremely annoying when a guys does something like that just because you're dressed in a certain way (and after a jog, it's definately not to attract a man).

it's puppy time!

so my man and i... we got this tiny little puppy almost two weeks ago. she is a boxer... her name is chewy... and she is living up to her name, believe me. i can't have any more babies (i'll spare you the gory details... you are welcome!) but we wanted a baby of our own. hence, chewy entered our lives from stage left. (that means from the right...i think)

immediately, this little dog became part of our family. we have taken her to his parents' house and to my parents' house. everyone loves her. my dad called her "wolf" in that gruff way he talks. chewy loves her daddy... almost as much as i do. you can tell by the way she responds to his voice. she has this little stump of a tail that wags incessantly. i love it.

he hasn't had to clean up dog shit or dog pee once. but who is counting?? and speaking of dog pee, i will take that seven days a week, 365 days a year over cat pee. if you don't know this firsthand, just trust me this time, ok?

no wonder she likes him more!! he feeds her and plays with her, and i clean up her "oops" in the house. bummer, dude. really, i am not bitter. really!!

gotta jam. the puppy needs to go potty.

my stupidity is now obviously obvious...

ok... as you all will shortly realize, my stupidity actually get's worst the older i get. let me prove it to you.

first of all, i have been yo-yo dieting for over five years now. we can go on and on about the details here, but i plan on boring you with this at a later date.

with yo-yo dieting comes (insert drumroll here) yo-yo exercising. for as many times as i have done this you would think i would have learned to take it slowly. nope. today i am having a problem walking down stairs. it seems that if you start off exercising by running, you might get stiff. hmmmm. think i thought of that yesterday? hell no. what i thought was this... "ohhhh look at that cute button on the treadmill. it say's fitness test. i think i am going to push it."

so i pushed it.

then i get to push more buttons. lucky me.

then i started off at a good walking pace. too bad that only lasted three miniutes. next thing i know i am running. hey this shouldn't be too bad. wrong. the actual running didn't kill me, i almost wish it had.

tomorrow i get to do it again. let's see if i can be stupid twice!

lameness reaches a new level today...

just to prove i can...

here is an uploaded pic...

yes i am LAME...

i mean, who in their right mind, makes a post just to prove they can post a picture? someone crazy? yeah, i agree. who in the hell posted this post anyhow.

/gulp

yeah, i'll shut up now.

okay, no i won't. i like to talk. too bad i have nothing important to say. at least today. tomorrow might be another story. who knows... a meteor might come crashing down on my house... or pigs might fly. who am i to know.

btw. me + running for the first time in 3 months + lifting weights = sore

so the teamwork paid off...

i thought everyone would just love to know that we won 50% of our games tonight. oh... my bad... did i neglect to mention that we play not one, but TWO games?? how brutal is that? yeah, pretty brutal. thanks to some great coaching from a guy on our team, we managed to pull it together and win in the top of the last inning.

should i mention that i pitched in this winning inning? do i dare think that my pitching had anything to do with our success?? yeah, you are right. it was merely a coincidence, my friend.

it doesn't matter. we won. and we needed it for the preservation of our psyches.

is psyches a plural word? huh. i gots to think on that one.

i am certain y'all will sleep much sounder tonight knowing that the crew pulled off a win.

but back to the coaching thang. it seems we all do better when we have a great coach, a sound leader, someone to look up to. the task doesn't matter. sometimes that person is someone else, sometimes it has to come from our inner self. sometimes it is so freakin cool to be the one leading ...yet, equally rewarding is allowing someone to show us the path to success. and hey, IF it doesn't work out, at least you weren't the one in charge!

I get to be lucky number 3

Wow, I'm not really sure what exactly to write here. Maybe if I weren't so dang anti-social, I'd have some semblance of a clue (yeah right!). Unlike Jess, I have no big plans for the evening, except going for a run. My desktop weather advisor just told me that a severe thunderstorm warning has been issued for Albuquerque. I think that means I'd better get the hell out of dodge (i.e. work- and yes, I'm writing this off-the-clock) and get on the trail. Especially since I just started running again and am still hard pressed to reach a full 3 miles.
If only I were Jess, I could go and play softball with my unused mitt. You'll have to ask her which team she plays for (hehe).
As I sit here writing this crap, I wonder if anyone will, besides Jess, Bridge and myself will ever read this. Maybe people we tell about it will but some random John or Jane Doe, someone could probably figure out the probability of that happening, but not me.
Gotta run (pun totally intended). Happy reading and more later (go on, hold your breath, I dare you...).
Al

Jess Really Does Rock (contrary to popular belief)

well, i didn't want to say something lame like, WOW... my first ever post on a blog! but as you can see, i went-ahead-and-big-fat-did-it-anyway. makes you proud to know me, right?

over the next several eons, you will come to know me. you will know my likes, dislikes, my fears and more! i know, i can hear you asking yourself, "how cool is THAT??" and then... it creeps in... the realization that it ain't that cool.

i have a softball game tonight. i am still not sure why i signed up. maybe i didn't get enough sleep the night before, or i had one too many miller lites over the weekend. perhaps i did it, because, for one brief millisecond, i felt like an overpaid sports superstar signing a multi-million dollar contract. then i realized this was just a two-pitch recreational league. i signed up because i caved, ok?!? i caved into peer pressure, aka your-friends-talking-you-into-something-you-really- don't-want-to-do-but-probably-will-anyway. like doing that beer bong when you were 17. don't act like you don't know what i am talking about.

the real reason i signed up is because i enjoy being part of a team, even a losing team (which we TOTALLY are, btw). i enjoy physical activity, even though you wouldn't really be able to tell by looking at me. i enjoy being outside on september evenings and it gets me out of cooking dinner.

This is just a test...

So... this is just a test. Apparently I cannot continue to set everything up without a post. WHATEVER.

Welcome to our blog. Our blog you ask? Yes... OUR. There are three of us. We will all be introduced later.

Off I go to set more blog stuff up. TTYS.

Bridge