how it feels to be 30!

much better than it feels to be 31! haha (that's what you get Beee-ridge for telling me i smell like a monkey. i shaved a few months ago, you know!)

but i'm not getting a kick ass party with friends and french themes (j- were you wearing you're little french maid outfit?) and wine and cheese. instead, i'm getting a few beers with a few colleagues. honestly, i think it feels better to be able to give my mom shit about having 2 kids that are 30. she really hates that

otherwise, now the day is here and it's official, i don't feel any different. sure, i've been dreading it for awhile and going back and forth with the emotional wrenching. i think the anticipation was the bitch of the whole thing. that, and that i'm spending it alone. /sigh or mostly alone. i do have my gato and beers w/colleagues, which rocks, but as i write i find i would really, really like to be headed to dinner with j, beee-ridge and stickEE (my gato can't cook all that well). guess, ultimately, it's my fault for moving away so eff me.

hey, it's not often you can say 'eff me' in such context so i'm taking this moment to do so. take that!

anyway-
thanks to all for the cards and text messages (ho bag usage and all) and wonderful birthday wishes. after all, it's just an excuse to talk to people isn't it?

ps- bring it on 40!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AL!!!

First of all... I hope you didn't get arrested in Vegas!

Second of all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! (woo)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! (woo)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR AL L L L! (insert another woo in here for anyone who is drunk)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

...

YOU LIVE IN A ZOO.

YOU STINK LIKE A MONKEY...

AND YOU DRESS LIKE ONE TOO!

Just because I love ya! I really do not think you stink like a monkey. Maybe an EVIL monkey, but not just a regular monkey.

I hope your bday is GREAT!

**edit** by jess

hopefully, you aren't as hairy as a monkey today!

al is the big 3-0 today. Thirty is OLD!!!!!!

Wanted... Dead or Alive!

Yeah, your singing Bon Jovi in your head right now. I KNOW IT!

WANTED!

waaaannttedd!

DEAD OR ALIVE.

(insert guitar solo here)

Here is my submission for Self Portrait Challenge. I love online tools like this. I have too much fun. Anyways, after the three post I am going to make today, this poster will be true!

One of the best birthdays ever... yeah, I said ever!

I just had one of the best birthdays ever!

Ok, it does NOT beat when I turned 17 and my dad and mom gave me car. A Ford Tempo I know, but still a car.

That rocked. Freedom on wheels.

Oh, and the year my dad served me breakfast in bed. That was stellar too. Who really wants to wake up having a box of Lucky Charms poured on them in bed? Not me, although my kids think it is hilarious. The night before my birthday they asked if I wanted breakfast in bed. My answer........... NO!

This birthday was just fun. My husband threw an awesome party for me. A french themed party with wine and cheese. He even took the time to garnish each platter with parsley and kale. Yeah, you heard me correctly. Parsley and kale. He just officially won husband of the year. He also got me balloons and roses. Two dozen roses. I know he got them at Sam's Club, and they were NOT expensive. I still love them all the same.

A lot of friends were invited. Most of the came. Some even drove for over and hour and a half to get to the party. I was very excited when each and every visitor showed up.

Yeah, I got some gifts. Have I mentioned in this post yet that I love my friends? I really do.

Jess gave me Bare Minerals makeup. You should look it up. Just open another window... DO NOT SHUT THIS WINDOW! Lol. Ok, now I am done pretending that I am important. Now I just have to learn how to wear this makeup. Jess, thank you sooooooo very much. I get to think of you every time I put it on. I'll just try to put on clothes first. Then I won't have to think of you when I am naked.

Poor Chelle... she gave me a gift card for Christmas... I purchased a rain shower head... every time I shower... yeah, I think of her. /sigh.

Karen gave me a book that she thought I would love. So far she is 100% correct. She also gave me a tarot guide. I needed this. NEED I say!!! Now I can learn all of the secrets of the universe. Then she wrapped it in the cutest box ever.

Loralee... well she gave me a gift card to one of my favorite clothes stores. She has no clue, until now that is, that I went shopping. Let's just say she bought me some of the comfiest black leather shoes I have ever owned. They are soooo nice. Anyways, she seems to think she is giving me tequila. I may just try to bail out and not go to girls night this week. Thus no tequilla.

Yeah Lo... you heard me. I might bail!

You see I have this feeling that Lo, Chelle and Karen might be planning something evil for me. They might run out of time (I could only hope), and not be able to do it. /crosses fingers. They want to take me to Karaoke and have me sing Eye of the Tiger. I should have NEVER posted that song on my blog. EVER! Chelle had it go through her head all day I believe. /sigh I really can't sing. Ever see My Best Friends Wedding? I am really that bad.

So I am... /cough /cough... um REALLY sick. Yeah. /wink

I just really wanted to thank everyone that came to my party, who emailed me, who sang on my voicemail, who didn't sing on my voicemail, and who sent me a really funny card (Al).

Thank you!

It is good to finally be 21! LOL.


Bridge

i heart peyton manning

yep, you heard me. if i could have this man's babies, i would. yeah, i am sure his wife would mind. also, paul probably isn't too hip on the idea.

good thing i can't have babies, i guess.

he's just so damn cute! and TALL. i love him!

he hosted saturday night live this weekend...and he is hilarious! if you love his commercials (the sprint one where he wears the crooked mustache and the bad wig makes me laugh EVERY TIME I SEE IT), then you'll like his SNL action.


if the player doesn't work, click here to see my fave sketch of the night. it's one of the funniest things snl has ever cranked out.

peyton gives tom brady a run for his money as best sports SNL host...

soccer mom i am

it's official! i am a soccer mom. i'm coaching a group of 5- and 6-year-olds. the soccer is the EASY part. the 5- and 6-year-olds are the HARD part! holyyyy cow, did i EVER underestimate how tricky this would be.

first of all, they are just the cutest bunch of kids ever! my daughter was telling her brother and stepsisters last night after our first practice that "the other kids called Mom 'Coach' but I just call her Mom, cuz that is what she is: my mom!"

jake says to her, "jenna, you should just call her coach - because calling her mom? Well, that's just embarrassing."

my son is already embarrassed by me. great.

part 2: i ran into one of the other moms this morning at the post office. i asked her if her son had a good time at practice. she said, "oh yes, he LOVED it. he came home and told me he was happy to have all of the hot girls on his team." we both rolled our eyes.

HA HA HA! Hot girls! these kids are 5 and 6!!!!

halfway through the practice, ALL of the kids have to pee, and there are no facilities. plus, they are all dog tired. and thirsty. some of the girls started doing cartwheels! one of the kids says "i feel like i am going to throw up." another got his head stuck in the net no less than 7 times.

i may have bitten off more than i can chew. i'll keep you posted. i am having fun and still have hope for a winning season. LOL

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BeeeeRIDGE. i love you!

Milestones in my life that I could do without...

I hope someone missed me. I really have been MIA.

I have had quite a few important milestones in my life this week. I am also about to have some more. Yeah for me. I hope you find these as humorous as I did. Trust me... you want to read this.

MILESTONE #1
Here I am putting my son and daughter to bed. They are being all cute. Then my son decides to tell me that he loves me.

In burp.

Yeah, my son burped, "I love you mom."

Boy am I proud.

MILESTONE #2
My daughter is having a play date at a friends house. The mom asks what she wants to drink. Something like milk or juice. My daughter replied juice. Then she leans over and whispers to her friend, "I like to drink juice because it tastes like wine." Yes she was overheard!

Um, my daughter is 5!

No I haven't given her wine!

My husband and I figured out that it was the sparkling apple juice we gave her in a champagne glass for New Years that did it. She figured she had the real stuff. Obviously it tasted like juice... because it WAS.

I am thankful that this friend doesn't think I am LAME.

MILESTONE #3
I get to register my daughter for kindergarten.

Um, I am getting old. I will be going to the city office to do this tomorrow. I think I might cry.

Leading to the next milestone...

MILESTONE #4
Yeah, I am turning 29... yet once again. Maybe more than once again, but older. Yes older. I'll be having a party this Sunday.

Everyone who reads this blog is invited. From 3:00 to 6:00 at my house. If you really want to come and haven't received a personal invitation from my husband just email me and I'll send you the invite. bestmonkeyfriends@yahoo.com

Al, you will be drunk in Vegas so NO INVITE FOR YOU!!! Although you still are invited. I hope you have fun.

Thank you everyone who reads. I appreciate every comment you make. Have a great Friday, and a fabulous weekend!

Bridge

where the EFF is everyone?

and why is no one reading our blog anymore??!??!?!?!

get your beer name!

post yours in the comments!!

Mine was Cracklicious Unspeakable Porter.

Bwah hahaha!

Who was a Model Citizen?

surely you know?

this is the portion of the show where we ask you a question about one of us and see who knows the answer? the question (as you likely deduced, you intelligent, intelligent readers) is that which is posed in the title.
is it
see (aka Al)?
speak (aka Jess)?
hear (aka Beee-ridge)?

what, pray tell, ever possessed me to pull this tidbit of information out of the vault? why, iTunes party shuffle. that's why. and Vegan Love Song, more specifically.

there's no prize if you know the answer (no spouses of, significant others of, or either of the other monkeys are allowed to respond) because that would be no fun. AND, you two (or 4 if you count s.o.) no telling anyone either.

really, when Speed Polka comes up, it really takes me way back. way back to where, you might ask, as if you really wanted to know. why to one of the Logan venues (the name escapes me now and i doubt it's still a music venue) that was located on a hill. holy shit. the streets are totally escaping me too. i want to say that it was on about 6th east and 5th north (j, b, am i close) and it was an old crappy building. probably used to be a church or something.

those were the days. the 5-0 would show up to bust all us younguns for underage smoking and scrutinize our breath to ensure there was not even a hint of alcohol on it. the Stretsch Armstrongg days (b- you still have that cd? will you *$&$ it for me?).

and after the show, we'd head up the canyon to a 'gathering' where all sorts of things would take place (not the right place to mention what those things were, what if one of our parents reads this...) and we were NOT always involved. just usually. with j and i dragging beee-ridge around while she was trying to be the responsible one (pshaw! responsibility, i say!)

anyway. i'll come back with the winner, and answer next week!

life lesson # 27

resist the urge to flip off other drivers.

you never know - the driver MIGHT be a plainclothes officer driving an undercover car.

did this actually happen to me?????

yes, it did.

i was sitting at a light, waiting for my green arrow. they recently added a second turn lane, but no one was waiting in that lane. the green arrow pops up, and i start to turn. i am in the outside lane, when all of a sudden i hear a horn honk loudly. i did what any complete bitch would do and without thinking, hung the car a nicely manicured middle finger. classy. in my defense, the car was NOT there when i started to turn and the horn honk scared the hell out of me.

so, this car wrenches over behind me and i signal to turn right about a 1/2 block from my left turn. the car follows me and flips on the old red n blues. just bitchin! it's really just my day! of ALLLLL the people in the whole world to "flick off" (my kids call it that) i choose an undercover cop.

i pull into a parking stall and wait. the dude gets out and i can see his shirt and tie...no uniform. shit. i have no idea what's going to happen next. the following is a re-enactment that may be shown on COPS on some future saturday night.

jess: you scared the hell out me!!

policeman: well, that's a new turn signal and i thought you were cutting it a bit close.

j: i apologize for my ladylike actions. you just scared me and that was a natural reflex. (insert lots of way too loud nervous donkey laughter)

p: i pulled you over because you have a broken windshield.

j: yeah, i know. i can't afford to fix it. (thinking yeah RIGHT. you pulled me over cuz i FLICKED YOU OFF!!!) /more loud donkey laughing. listen, i AM really sorry about the bird.

p: that isn't the first time i've been flipped off and i highly suspect it will not be the last.

j: well i am sorry all the same.../coupled with even MORE donkey laughing. eff, could i just GET OVER IT ALREADY??

p: look into getting that windshield replaced and have a good evening.

j: thanks!

make NO mistake - i am blaming this entire episode on Qwest!!! the ONLY reason i was in that damn neighborhood was to take that fucking modem that i never ordered back to the effing UPS store.

the ides of march... a little late...

well here it is.

my photo for the week. ------->

doesn't it look JUST LIKE ME??

xoxo
~jess










<----- this is al. she isn't feeling any words today. so just enjoy her pic. want more SPC?? click the link, i dare you!!!

the day AFTER st. patty's

da paulster and i spent the greenest holiday of the year with our dear pals bridge and hubby. i made a lovely corned beef brisket with cabbage (which stunk up our entire house and paul's truck, too). we had beers and sourdough bread on the side and the kids had hot dogs, green chips, green grapes and green sprite.

it was awesome!!

we sat outside, chatted and watched the kids play. later, we played bastard (aka shithead, asshole, etc.). we had a great time and it was a perfect evening with kids having fun and old friends hanging out.

i hope your entire weekend was excellent. mwah.

FOR REAL...QWEST SUX!!!

guess what i got yesterday???

a package in the mail!!! woooo hoooo! who doesn't love getting mail?

qwest, in all their glory, send me a DSL modem that I NEVER ORDERED!!!!!! OMG!!!

so... i call them up AGAIN to complain. the following is an ACTUAL conversation:

ryan, qwest associate: how can i help you today?

jess, qwest hater: today i received a DSL modem that i never ordered.

r: oh..heh heh. you ordered it.

j: /complete silence. (i'm already pissed... he has no idea what i've been thru already.)

ryan swiftly moves along to account permissions, etc. this includes address verification. turns out he works at the qwest right here in logan, so he is familiar with where i live. bitchin, right?! apparently, he thinks this makes us buds. he moves on...and wouldn't ya just know it...we graduated from the same high school!! i don't tell him that, i just say, "that's nice," with a shut-the-fuck-up-before-i-put-your-nuts-in-
a-vice tone.

j: am i getting charged for this? do i have to pay to return it?

r: no, i'll get this taken off of your account.

j: your company is seriously the worst in services in my book. numero uno. i got stuff i never ordered and then most of the technical staff i have ever dealt with from qwest are really incompetent.

r: well, you should know that when you ordered this service, you didn't order it from qwest.

j: what? what do you mean i didn't order it from qwest?

r: yeah, those types of orders are handled by external third-party contractors.

j: i don't care WHO handles the orders. i was under the assumption i was ordering qwest services from qwest. which means i think qwest sucks. maybe your third parties need better training. as far as i am concerned, i ordered from qwest, and i didn't get what i wanted. i called to remedy that situation and i STILL didn't get what i wanted. now i have a DSL modem that i have to be bothered with to return. i am wondering if i got all these services i didn't order so that some sales rep could meet their quota for the month.

r: i apologize for that. and because they are a third party company, they don't have sales quotas the way qwest reps do.

j: with all due respect, your apology means nothing to me. qwest is a rotten company and i am sorry you have my business.

r: you richmond girls are fiery. my buddy's fiance is from richmond.

j: (live i give a rat's ass WHO is buddy's fiance is) interesting.

r: well, here's a confirmation number for you. you'll need to write this 139 digit number (ok, an exaggeration, but it's effing long) on the label then drop it off at any ups location.

j: i have to take it to ups? they won't come pick it up???!??!?

r: no, you can just take it to that ups store by albertson's.

j: that's just great. thanks.

r: can i help you with anything else?

j: nope, you've done quite enough.

r: thank you for calling qw...

i hung up on him. this company is a freaking joke. they stay in business by charging people for services they never ordered. their sales staff has to meet monthly quotas, or they get put on probation and could be terminated if they don't meet these goals 3 months out of 12. i work in sales and i know it can be a real roller coaster. you either have a stellar month where you just sell your ass off...or you have a month where nothing closes and deals fall through the cracks.

OMG... I might actually be able to run a 5k!

Today I ran 2.5 miles. WHAT you say? Yeah, I did it. I also completed my first 5k. I ran 27 minutes out of 39. Right now I am patting myself on the back. This really is a great accomplishment for me. Consider this, I haven't even ran a full mile straight for about 3 years now. Not only did I do that today... I kept going.

I would like to thank Loralee first for this.

Loralee is my gym partner. I usually have to pick her up since she doesn't have a car. This motivates me to go. Plus she always says how "out of shape" she is. Now, when someone tells you how "out of shape" they are and then they proceed to run a mile, it makes you work out harder. There is no way I can wimp out and be even more out of shape than the "out of shape" person. This makes me work out harder than I normally would. Thank you Loralee! Through this whole process Loralee has lost around 17 pounds, and I have only lost 5. GRRRR.

Loralee is looking good. I am looking the same. (same =bad)

Now I need to thank Chelle.

Chelle is the reason I am running. I posted before that this is her bday gift in June. I may not run the 5k, but I want to know that I actually can. So thank you Chelle for making me get my butt to the gym. Hopefully my butt will look better because of it. Oh, and thank you Chelle for buying me a Margarita last night. Yet another reason I needed to run today. (drink margarita=work out harder at gym tomorrow) See I CAN have what I want. I just have to work out to get it.

Now I need to thank Jess. LOL.

Jess texted me while I was running today to tell me she was eating fries! LOL. Just thought I would thank her. Why? No reason. At least I know she thought of me today. HEHE.

So that is my update. I am going to go stretch again now then eat a light lunch. I can already feel some of my muscles tensing up. I am going to have to beg my husband for a leg massage tonight. I think I have deserved one.

this, that and the other

~due to the unique nature of our blog, make sure you scroll to see all three pics...

Ayight bitches! You asked for it, now you've got it! This biotch has been pimped! Not quite as cool as if they had pimped my 1986 rusted out Honda Prelude but this comes in an extra close second. In fact, it's still in review, the finish is that close.

I had a great time making this picture. I really think things like this bring out my lame-ass, half-assed creative side. Mostly because it means I get to make fun of myself in the process and hopefully make others laugh.

And, this website ROCKED! My only complaint is that there weren't more options to play with. How cool would it have been to have a royal purple pimp suit with an ivory topped cane?! Man, that really woulda made this picture grand.

Either way. Also, a quick note on Jess and Bridge's pics... I love them! We're AWESOME, if I do say so myself. Oh, wait. I just did!


i think this speaks for itself. yep, that's me backside. if you click on the picture, it gets bigger and you can read the credits...

This is Bridge talking now... If you haven't learned by now by reading this blog... I am a geek. A REAL GEEK. If I still lived at home with my mommy and daddy I would totally OWN that storm trooper costume. I could get a real one for around $1000, and yes I did a price check. Unfortunately I get to buy my son super hero costumes. Not my own. /sigh This particular storm trooper costume was voice equipped. When you talked it really sounded like a storm trooper talking. George Lucas hires these guys to do all his events. I want one BAD.

Here I am digging a deeper hole for myself. Um... yeah.

**edit** more self portrait challenge here.

qwest sucks ass

yeah, you heard me. they suck. i have had nothing but problems with them on more than one occasion.

a few weeks ago, i switched to a higher-speed DSL connection. i had DSL before, but it was sloooow. so i upgraded. qwest has been advertising "prices for life" so i thought, hey... i'll switch now and get the price for life.

well, the problem with qwest that i have had is that i never get what i want the first time around. i always have to CALL back and iron the problem out with a customer service rep. then i feel like a bitch... and i don't like that. when i moved into my house almost 4 years ago, they didn't transfer my service correctly...and i was without the internet for almost 6 weeks. NOT cool at all when you are taking ONLINE classes at the university.

so, this time around, the rep asks me if i want qwest dsl with msn premium. i was like, well NO i don't want msn. i had a bad experience with msn once and i DON'T need an Internet Service Provider (ISP). i have one already...and i want to keep them. plus i am just anti-msn as a service provider for some reason. if bill gates would contribute to the "save jessica" fund, i might be convinced to tattoo msn with the msn butterfly somewhere on my body. a cool million would get msn advertising on the top of my left foot for LIFE.

but i have gone off track. meanwhile...back at the hacienda...

qwest's technical support is NOT good!!! when the big change was first initiated, i couldn't connect to the internet. so i called up tech support. the first woman i spoke with had a very thick indian accent and was impossible to understand. while i am sure she is just a lovely woman, she offered me no technical assistance whatsoever. she suggested rebooting my computer, resetting my modem and then told me i should wait an hour then try to reconnect. DUH! i had TRIED all of that!! i think she was secretly hoping i would go away. the second person i called, while MUCH better, treated me like i was retarded. here is our conversation:

him: "ok, so open up a web browser. it's probably a big E on your desktop."
me:: "can i use firefox?" (thinking to myself - NO SHIT SHERLOCK. GIANT E MY ASS!) "nevermind...ok... i have IE open."
him: "ok, is it open?"
me: "ummmm yeah. it is." DUH. didn't i just say that??!?!?
him: "ok, go up to the address bar. /pause you know what that is?"
me: "yeah, i think so. is that where i type?" (at this point, i am playing dumb. he is pissing me off)
him: "yeah, ok. so type http colon slash slash www"

what i heard... BLAH BLAH BLAH... when he got to the web address part, i typed that and hit ctrl + enter, and VOILA! http and dot com are added FOR you. AN INTERNET MIRACLE.

at least he got me connected to the vast World Wide Web.

so THEN i get my first bill. i got qwest with msn. they hosed me. i don't have my ISP for free anymore. if i want to change it, i have to pay a $200 early termination fee. so... i call this morning, they take care of everything, iron it all out... then switch me over to the DSL center so i can get the msn installation disk...cuz i should have gotten one. turns out they don't have me listed as a customer or even having DSL with qwest. (this is me, staring with an astonished look on my face!!)

what the hell is wrong with this company??? i mean SERIOUSLY. if i had a choice, i would switch to another company... but i DON'T.

the ONLY good thing about this was rebecca, the person i spoke with. she was smart and calmed me down a bit. i am sure she is overworked and underpaid. i think i am stuck with what i got unless i want to switch to the OTHER communications monopoly here in the valley. i won't even give them free publicity. here's a hint tho: they ALSO rip off people on their cable bills.

eff you qwest. i hope your company suffers severe stock crashes. and maybe rebecca can come work with me...

The lamest injury ever... honestly.

My husband hurt his ankle.

Yes... wait for it...

By playing his guitar. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

I guess he was sitting in one position for over an hour with his ankle in a weird position. Now it hurts. He says it feels really messed up. I am also really trying not to laugh my ass off here. Yeah. I did laugh my ass off when he told me today at lunch.

So, if your going to play the guitar for hours... please watch where you put your feet. Who knows if you too will get an injury.

/chuckles

On another note:

I appreciate EVERYONE who comments on our blog. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! It just so happens that I finally had time to look in my yahoo mail and see how many comments we had in just a day.

For our blog it seemed like a million.

For other peoples blogs it would be a few.

In honor of this great occasion, I would like to pull out a few of my favorite comments from the bunch and tell you why I loved them.

"Another country heard from.....Me!Yeah, I'd say that it's a row of hotties
for sure. O la la,,,,,,", as said by Tim (Who doesn't like to be called a hottie? Even if you don't think it is true, it still feels great to be called a hottie!)

"Since my idea of a workout involves repeatedly lifting and lower my fork, I can't offer much in the way of good workout music.", as said by Eagle 79 (This just made me laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Plus he defended my Eye of the Tiger music selection... That just rocked)

"yep to many beers... ", says StickEE (Amen to that!)

"It's true. I couldn't read you all if you were hags that rated 2's and 3's.Well, MAYBE I could, but it would sheerly be out of pity.", says Loralee (HAHAHAHAHA. At least she is honest. Um, does she read me out of pity? /wonders)

Now a note to all. Yes I have had "the chat" with my son. I have also had it with my daughter. I hated every minute of it, but I did it. I'll probably do it every year, or at least every other. It is something that is sooooo important for kids to know. I just don't want to get into the "detailed part" until they are a little older. Any idea on what a good age that would be taught at?

Dear Diary,

Today I practiced my duty as a consuming American and did some shopping. BEE-Ridge and Jess informed me last night that i have no sense of style and that whenever I go anywhere I look like absolute shit. Boy are they good friends :( Remind me to cut off all contact until they are nicer.

My wardrobe is based on my comfort and the fact that for many years I've been a poor, poor student. So jeans and tennies have been a necessity. I see nothing wrong with that. However, they tell me that this is the reason I'm single. My response is that if any guy wants to be with me he'll like me for who I am, not what I wear. Supposedly, I'm totally wrong. We'll see who wins this competition.

On a totally different note, diary, doing my own dishes totally blows!

It seems like I can't ever keep motivated enough to finish a whole load. Even when that 'whole load' only consists of 3 or 4 dishes. Ay! What's wrong with me? Does this mean I should rush to the doctor and get myself checked out? Do I have dishophobia? Is it curable? Is it life-threatening?
The agony of the unknown is driving me crazy. I don't know what I'll do with myself while I wait for the results....

Finally, my dearest of Diaries, I have a diary confession (not to be confused with a dashboard confession which is much cooler than this could ever even aspire to be). I am totally and absolutely in love with my teapot.
WOW! It feels fantastic to finally get that out in the open. I've been wrestling with how to bring it up in casual conversation for quite some time but have not found the right opportunity. Maybe someday soon I'll start a conversation with Jess, Bee-Ridge or StickEE with the sole purpose of admission. It should go something like this..

"I was shopping at Linens & Things the other day and spotted this incredible teapot. I know you're thinking, 'A teapot, incredible? I don't buy it.' But I want you to know (insert name of other conversant) that it may well be the coolest, greatest, most useful piece of coffee and tea making equipment I currently own."

That sounds like a good segway into my teapot love admission, right?
Nice. Thanks for the go ahead Diary.
It's nighty night time for me lovely Diary but thanks for hearing my confession and giving me confidence.

comment on the new pic...

the new 3evilmonkeys header

first- ladies, that was a good day for all of us! I think it's a great picture made even better by a fantabulous photographer. You know, I still have a picture of the 3 of us taken by one of Bridge's parents, I'm not sure which, in her room, whilst we were still in high school. It is one of the things that makes me smile whenever I have a bad day or just need some comfort.

Seriously, ladies, it's up there with the photo of my great-grandmother and myself taken just before she died. I love it that much!

More so because it reminds me of how tried and tested our friendship is and how amazing it is to still be such wonderful friends. I love you guys!

Second- we are all on the 'hot' side of the scale. Now, I'm not biased at all, but i'd give us all at least a 7-8. On the day that picture was taken, we were rolling up on 10! Sure we're getting older (and no less grown up) but we're not getting any uglier.

I, for one, am saving that until I hit my 60s. I gotta wait until I reel some schmo in who's willing to pay for all my bills without requiring me to shave.. That's a story for another day, though.

Third- I'm ecstatic to be part of this blog. And now that I have re-joined the wired age, I'll be much more prevalent and maybe even write something of some importance (is the great American novel waiting somewhere in the wings? stay tuned...)

And more so because I my 'keeping in touch' skills are not all that grand and reading about J going to Butt, MT or Bridge being sick keeps me sane.

Finally- Bridge, I LOVE THE PIC. Now I'm just waiting for a CD with all the pics. That way I can print some out and frame for more happiness...

Live! from the home office in Butt, MT

heh heh..heh...heh...

this is going to be a post of confessions.

first...yes, i like beavis and butthead. they remind me of my teenage years and watching tv in al's basement. the show itself...NOT that great. but those commentaries on the videos? hilarious. some of those videos would have never been seen by the general public if not for b & b. beavis and butthead, i salute you.

for the record, i DID quit smoking. however, i cheat. i think me quitting smoking forever is a little bit like you giving up sex forever. it isn't an every day thing and i can handle it. am i weak? yeah, probably, but it's one of my vices. take it or leave it.

i like mcdonalds. get over it. the latest craze: the jr. mac. order a double cheeseburger off the dollar menu, have them hold the ketchup and mustard but add big mac sauce and lettuce. trust me, it's the bomb. does it line up with my diet? hell no. that is why i eat at mcdonald's like once a month or LESS.

i bought three boxes of samoas and i justified it for a couple of reasons: one....a woman i work with was selling them so i wanted to help her out, two...it helps the girl scouts, right? and last, but CERTAINLY not least... I. Love. These. Cookies. omg i could literally eat a whole box. i shared the first box with co-workers, gave a box to my man (they are his fave, too) and kept a box just for me. i haven't opened them. yet. not sure i dare.

i like to speed when i drive. i made it to butte today in 4.5 hours. google maps said it would take 5.5. hahahah. drive fast, take chances....right? right?!??!??!

i'm here in butte on business. i am a homebody and don't sleep well on the road, so i am not thrilled to be here. but i can't lie. being a single mom is rough and even though i am working, this is a vacation from them and all the responsibilities of home...dishes, laundry, pets, etc. etc. etc. i feel bad for even thinking that... i am going to go get a pedicure tomorrow night.

just a note of interest: i am certain 2-3 small elephants are staying in the room above mine. luuuucky me.

this brings me to my last little confession. i listen to dr. laura. i like her. i agree with her some of the time and sometimes i just think she's totally nuts. sometimes i also think she is clueless...like she totally misses the caller's point. but...the most articulate people don't always phone in, either. a caller on her show today reduced me to tears, however. a father of two boys, 7 and 5...wanted to know when and if he and his terminally-ill wife should tell the boys she is going to die. she has cancer...a kind there is no cure for (he never said what kind) and although the boys know she is sick, they don't know she has cancer and they don't know she is dying. this man never broke down. his voice never wavered. he just wanted to know how to help his boys. he didn't want them to be scared. his strength was amazing. dr. laura suggested they tell the boys together and then make some videotapes and suggested some other things. she said it wasn't just for the boys, but it was for this man, too. he said thanks...and she said, "i mean that. it's for you, too." he said, "i understand..."

and i just cried. cancer sucks and has hit a little too close to home for me. plus those boys are the same age as my kids. and the thought of my own kids having to grow up without a mommy made me very, very sad.

and homesick. i can't wait to get back home. those kids i needed a break from??? i miss them so much it hurts.

p.s. no more heroes until april 23??? wtf??????

Kids grow up...

My son is suddenly growing up fast. He is 7, and really starting to understand how the world works. Today I got all sad when I realized that at the end of this month he was conceived 8 years ago. An accident... yes. A ONE TIME accident I should specify. He can be a handful sometimes, but man do I love him.

I really should tell you why my son is growing up. I had two funny stories about him just today.

FUNNY STORY 1: This afternoon when I went to the doctor.

I have been sick for quite some time. Cold... Flu... Pneumonia... Bronchitis... I really had no clue. I just haven't got better. We are going on three weeks here dammit! So I woke up today feeling really crappy. /cough /cough. I walked up a flight of steps and I could not breath. I decide to go to the doctor.

My kids haven't even realized I have been sick for three weeks. One of the reasons I am not better yet I was told by the doctor. Figures.

In the waiting room the receptionist gives me a mask. My kids look worried.

We go into the exam room. While waiting my son starts asking me if I am going to be okay. I assured him I would be fine. /cough /cough. Then he is quiet for a few minutes. Next thing I know he states, "We will eat cereal, Eggo waffles, and popcorn mom. I'll cook it for us."

See these are all things I let him cook. He honestly was worried about this. His mom was sooooo sick she actually went to the doctor. W who was going to feed him? He obviously forgot about his father whom was coming home in a few hours.

I almost laughed, and then I almost cried. How sweet was that? My son taking care of me. Made me love him all the more.

FUNNY STORY 2: I get out of a bath.

So now my husband is home from snowboarding. He takes a hot bath and I feel like joining him. Being all sick a nice HOT bath sounds great. I should mention that my bathtub is really big.

Anyways, we sit and chat for awhile and then he gets out to go make dinner. After a bit I get out too. I put a towel around me when my husband yells something to me so I go to ask him what he said.

My son sees me in a towel.

He looks straight at my husband and starts laughing and says, "You guys were having sex." You know... in that sing song way kids make fun of other kids? I honestly almost lost it. My son still thinks that sex is laying in bed next to each other and then kissing. Close... but he really isn't the age to actually tell him what it REALLY is. /whew

Now it doesn't help that my husband starts laughing and says, "Um, no were were not." It then took a minute to convince my son that NO we were not having sex. For two seconds I felt like a teenager that was caught by my parents. It was my son... and I was innocent dang it!

So there you go. I am starting to feel old. Then the fact that my bday is coming up. I am still sick and am supposed to really rest. Doctors orders. No running and passing out. Rest. At least he gave me some really good cough syrup that puts you to sleep. /smile

I am soooo not a winner this month.

Idiot days are here again

This morning I was forced to face another keen realization about myself. It goes like this...
just because one has an advanced degree doesn't necessarily make one smart or intelligent or even keen. In fact, it may mean that one may be lacking in some pretty basic social skills and/or street smarts/common sense.

Take this author, as a prime example. An ex of mine used to tell me all of the time
"Baby, you're one smart girl but when it comes to common sense, you're an idiot. Sometimes you do things that just baffle me with the lack of common sense you use."

Ok, so I don't remember if he used exactly those words (in fact, I'm sure of it. He may not have known what 'baffle' means) but that was the general gist. I have had some moments where I strongly disagreed with his assessment but this morning, I have to strongly agree.

Here's why-
I just got wired to the internet this week. I picked up my modem on Wednesday night and then spent 1/2 an hour on the phone with my ISP because I couldn't configure my modem and the DSL light was flashing instead of remaining solid.
So, the ISP sent out someone to check the external lines and I was still unable to connect. My DSL light was still flashing. So I spent another 45 minutes on the phone getting irate. They scheduled another tech visit for this morning.
Picture it- Saturday morning, 0845, the ISP tech stops by. My DSL light is still flashing (not to mention that I'd done a frantic clean up job so my room didn't look like a wind storm hit). He does something to the back of my modem and VOILA! no more flashing DSL light. So I wonder if there's some switch on the back that I was supposed to switch. Nope! I'm not that lucky.
So I look at the the tech and he gives me that "OMG! Did this girl just get released from some sort of assisted living facility? I don't think she should be living alone. I'm not sure if she'll survive for long." look and he says...

"You had the phone cord in the wrong port."

See, I had plugged the phone line into the 'phone' port of the modem instead of the 'line' port of the modem.

I apologized profusely and bowed my head in shame. The tech acted as though he'd dealt with other idiots like myself and all was well. I should have thanked him for that. But it didn't help me feel any better.

Seriously, I should have been able to figure that out. That's what someone pays me to do, right? To scientifically analyze problems, assess various situations, and determine best solutions or best practices to solve the problem. And I can't figure out that my phone line is connected to the incorrect modem port!

I may deserve a mention in the Darwin's Awards.

I should have used Mucinex DM... oh, and an announcement

I am sick.

Sick.
Sick.
Sick!

The type of sick when you wonder if it is changing to Bronchitis or pneumonia.

Sick enough that I really want to just go to bed. Too bad I need to work, watch kids, do laundry, clean the house, and go grocery shopping. Too bad for me.

I have been using NyQuil PM at night. Lovely. I use the DayQuil during the day. Not as lovely. I really should be using the Mucinex DM.

***********ANNOUNCEMENT*************

In June I'll be participating in a 5K run. This is in thank to my friend Chelle which asked for this "present" for her bday. I am going to try to run all of it. Currently I can run for about 5 minutes before I die. I've been training for about 3 weeks. If I run for two minutes at a time I can actually run around 12 minutes.

Yesterday I almost passed out. Honest. I tried to run while I am this sick. I was running and next thing I know I have the spins. I hate the spins. When sick... when drunk... I really hate the spins.

So... to make a longer than necessary story short.

• I am slowly increasing my running.
• I am trying to watch what I eat.
• I am trying not to make an ass out of myself by falling off the back of the treadmill.
• I am trying to lose weight.
• I am again... trying not to make an ass out of myself.

If anyone has any good suggestions for running songs I would love to hear them. I need to get some new music on my player.

Here is a song I should probably get...

Eye of the Tiger

Risin' up, back on the street

Did my time, took my chances

Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet

Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast

You change your passion for glory

Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past

You must fight just to keep them alive

Chorus:

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight

Risin' up to the challenge of our rival

And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night

And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat

Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry

They stack the odds 'til we take to the street

For we kill with the skill to survive chorus

Risin' up, straight to the top

Have the guts, got the glory

Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop

Just a man and his will to survive